Hope Through the Years

Life. Recovery life. Purposeful living. Through each passing year we learn more about how to care for ourselves realizing care for ourselves is not selfish care.  We learn more about compassion for those who are still struggling in the world of addiction and other abuses and all the chaos it brings. And for some like me, it only deepens our faith and trust in the Living God.

Yesterday was Cliff’s 43rd birthday. Yikes!!  How did he get to be my age so quickly (joking, of course!).  I still feel so much younger than the calendar says I am!  Cliff and I are now worlds apart as I am in Scotland serving the Lord and he is in Michigan making his life happen.  Fifteen years ago, life was a stinkin’ mess. Cliff was in the height of his heroin use and I was in the height of my sleepless, hand-wringing nights trying to cope without good coping skills.  That is a learned thing, you know.  Coping requires a sound mind and practiced choices, and I had neither of those skills in my backpack of life. I am so thankful to say that way of life is behind Cliff and it’s behind me.  We each arrived at different times to our healing and wellness but God in His mercy never let go of either one of us. 

Slowly but surely, Cliff is re-aligning his thinking with good and healthy thoughts.  I’ve been the recipient of several sincere phone calls within the past year.  In the first call a few months back he thanked me for always pointing him to God throughout his life even when I wasn’t necessarily walking strong with the Lord.  His comments were an affirmation to my restless heart when the enemy tries to tell me all the things I did poorly as a mother. I was really caught off guard by his recollection and appreciation all these years later to the things he resisted against for so long.  It was salve to my soul.

Yesterday as we chatted for Cliff’s birthday, it was such a nice and simple conversation about his day (he worked) and any celebrating he might do. His work had a small cake for him and many wished him a happy birthday. He had received a few texts early in the morning and he was quite happy to receive those before he went to work. Then when we spoke, he was planning on making his dinner and probably watch a movie once the animals (birds, squirrels and yard cats) were tended to. One more time, Cliff threw me for a loop when he said “Oh! Mom, before we hang up I want to tell you something - I want to tell you that I’m proud of you (gasp!). I know I have not always said it or felt it but lately God has been revealing some things to me and one of them is how selfish I was in expecting you to be perfect while I was a mess.  I’m sorry I held you to that expectation.”  Another memorable mom moment that will be stored forever.  We (my two sons and me) didn’t have a lot of those exchanges (very, very few) over his life as the turmoil (not always his) was often on an extreme level of struggle.  To see him enjoy a quiet birthday as an adult and to pour out a blessing over me was an inward major change and brings peace to my heart.

And, it's been a healing process in his heart which is separate from the healing in mine that can only come from God. In Scotland, I am in a Hope Group that uses nothing but the Word of God for changing lives. And, if you were to take the original 12 Steps of recovery you would see that they line up with the truths of Scripture in every way.  For those of us who believe in the Living God we are being transformed day by day.  2 Corinthians 4:16 says  “That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.”  And, we walk with each other for support, encouragement and compassion.  

This little update doesn’t cover the years between my posts, but it does ring through with all the things I’ve spoken of before.  Never lose hope! Ever!! This has been a 30 year journey for Cliff and me since he was on the path of destruction. The path of destruction may look appealing, but it's a pure lie. Our lives were full of pain, sorrow and regret - faith didn't make this walk a breeze. The narrow path to healing was hard work and full of stumbles and re-starts. But, if God is part of your life and recovery, you can be sure He will walk with you every step of the way and the one you love too, if they will ask.  Let Him lead. 

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit"

Romans 15:13 NLT

A New Decade and A New Choice

God is able to accomplish, provide, help, save, keep, subdue. 

He is able to do what you can't. 

He already has a plan. God's not bewildered. Go to Him.  

Max Lucado

It's 2020! Do you recall looking ahead as a child and thinking about what your life would look like at 2020? What plans did you have for yourself? Where would you be living and who would you be living with? The list goes on of how we coulda, woulda, shoulda landed where we are today. BUT, along came something you didn't plan on.  

What rocks your world?  I'm not sure, but I think once you've been down the avenue of life's rocky adventures, your world doesn't rock so easily any longer.  The news you get today is always compared to the awareness and knowledge of your loved one living a risky life with substances or other earth shattering moments.  Perhaps you've received the news that someone you love is in a debilitating situation with their health and you can't see beyond today or believe that there is a chance for healing or a longer life.  Maybe you were just notified of a crime that occurred and your loved one was right in the middle of it.  Or, the phone rang and it was your own doctor with news you never imagined would be yours.  When we are younger and look ahead we surely don't plan for these types of scenarios.  And why would we? We'd be living like Eeyore if our horizon was heavy laden all the time with impending storm clouds.  

Nothing teaches us more about life than living.  Each day has troubles of it's own, the Bible says, so don't go looking ahead for more to add to your burden.  

How do I do that, you wonder?  Each day remains the same it seems, as if you were stuck in a scene from the Groundhog Day Movie.  They leave the house, looking to score, and you cry. Wandering the house alone you find yourself creeping into the bedrooms looking for something, anything, to sort out your thoughts and squelch the impending truths that are lying in your path of cloudy vision.  You realize that you see things you don't understand. and you shake your head in bewilderment as if that will help you clear out the chaos in your thinking.  But you're so frozen in fear, you don't ask anyone about it because you can't accept what's right in front of your nose.  You haven't found a place to land with ears to listen because you're so ashamed about what you think is happening you simply find it impossible to utter a word.  You've convinced yourself you're all alone. And the vision plays out the same each day, month, year and decade.  Suddenly you're in 2020 and it looks the same as 2015, 2010 and as far back as you can remember. 

And you silently scream, how can I believe this statement about God?  He's so far removed from my situation, you believe, that He's no help to me.  But, eventually you find that you are thinking and talking to God more each day because you have no one else to talk to and nowhere else to go. Is He speaking to me? Is my situation really going to change as He says? 

If anything is true, it's the truth that we have choices.  And, if we choose to put ourselves into God's hand and change our thinking, OUR situation will change because WE will change.  It may not stop the addict from scoring or the drunk from another binge, but we might find our responses to the swill around us can be shifted.  Instead of jumping into the pigpen and trying to wrestle with swine, convincing them of another way, we walk on a new path in order to make choices that are good for US. Slowly we learn to side step the puddles lying on our paths. 

We begin to gain the peace that God promises, that the world won't understand.  How can we have peace in the midst of such chaos? Because we are learning to trust God at His Word that what He says is true.  And this trust isn't because of any magic, cosmic energy, aura or karma.  God doesn't subscribe to that thinking.  The Prince of Peace is above all man-made concoctions of the pathway to peace that doesn't include Him, simply because He IS peace. 

So, as we turn the calendar over to a new day, new week, new year and new decade, we also decide to turn our lives and wills over to the care of God.  Step Three in a nutshell says: "I can't.  God can.  I think I'll let Him."

Happy New Day! 

Extra Grace Required?

 

Recently, co-facilitating a women's bible study group I encountered someone that I was just unsure of from the get-go. This woman seemed to be just a little bit different and that was clear from the start. She seemed more critical, more determined to be heard and not so easy to embrace. Our study was scheduled for only six weeks, so I thought to myself that I can handle anything for a brief six weeks.

Brief it was! Over the six weeks the dynamics and the number of this group changed like the tides of the ocean which ebb and flow. Our room location changed after a few weeks. We lost some women due to conflicting fall activities with their children. We moved the tables around to make things a little more cohesive in this group.

Each week our EGR*  woman returned and each week she required less and less grace. Is that possible? Each week I, and others, prayed for this group and I prayed for my part in it. Each week my grip on this group was less and my expectations and ideals were changed; our walls went down a few bricks at a time and our care and love increased. I knew what was happening now and what would happen through the weeks to come was God's work. I was just here to share His smile, His touch and love as it was shared back to me.

We all meet EGR people. Maybe the connection is parent to child, husband to wife or sister to brother. Maybe we have to work side by side with an EGR person day after day. Maybe, at times, I'M the EGR person unbeknownst to me!

All I know is through life we may need or be the person that requires extra grace. If I want God to extend His grace to me, I must give grace to others. I'm learning to accept the things (or people) that I cannot change (and I can't nor is it my job to change anyone) and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Our EGR person became more beautiful as the weeks went by. Her smile was brighter, her words less edgy and her wall was gone. Hopefully, I reflected the very same results back to her.

*EGR and Extra Grace Required belong to Leadership Expert John Maxwell*

Pic by Laura McAlpine

The Struggle is Real

You know, it's been over 10 years since my son was in active addiction and for that my gratitude runs deeper than my words can express.  With the surging business of social media we are becoming much more aware of the far reaching ravages of addiction and the pain strewn around like petals falling from a beautifully bloomed rose bush.  It's everywhere.

People are becoming more vocal about this uninvited guest that wormed its way into the midst of their homes, jobs, bank accounts and family gatherings.  It seems the unwanted, lurking blood-sucking traitors are now out in the open instead of tucked away in some dark, web-filled corner of the attic.  In many ways, this "outing" of the problem is good.  What was automatically considered a life of crime, is now thought of as a life of disease.  You will find 2 very strong opinions regarding this topic of conversation and how to handle the outcome of those stances.  Personally for me, I'm glad to see that the issue is coming out more in the ways of education and our culture realizing that the addiction is not the only identifying feature of the person we love.

Sometimes I'll read an obituary on FB, that has no relevance to me, other than a parent is grieving yet relishing the person beyond their battles. What were they known for? Perhaps they were a great dancer, a flourishing writer, or record-setting ball player.  Did they have a scientific mind that functioned on the realm of genius when they weren't in the battle at hand? Was the dearly departed beloved, the next king or queen of cuisine that was honing their skill when untouched by the thief of life? I'm thankful that life is now being celebrated beyond the ravages of sorrow, filled with pain and rejection. It's hard enough to grieve alone when your addict is actively using, let alone hiding your grief in death because we are still ashamed of the place and way they were or are living. 

If you had known me 20 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me as the same person and you surely wouldn't believe that my son is the same man he was under the guise of a needle. My appearance isn't so different but my actions, reactions, ability to focus and hopefully my demeanor are markedly different from then till now.  Cliff's life is NOTHING reflective of the years of active using.  He's been clean from the needle for 10 years but has worked extremely hard in the last 2 years to make changes since his past addiction.  It's not been easy for either of us but when Cliff finally "let God" in to the places of hurt that hadn't been dealt with, he slowly began to make life-changes that I believe will follow him all of his days.  Isn't this what every parent dreams of?  

Cliff has come to the realization that even though much of his childhood was filled with angst, anger and abusive situations, his choices now are up to him. He's reading daily devotionals and letting the truth of God's love for him fill into every joint and marrow that oozes positive choices, decisions and words, quelling the memories from days of old that attempt to stir him into a temperamental eruption.  Additionally, he's choosing a peaceful presence in all his surroundings which has flowed into my life, too.  I could take a lesson from Cliff in my food choices and exercise routine.  Those who follow a plant-based diet and movement for wellness (Cliff has been battling back and neck injury for the last 2 years) would laud Cliff's life-changes and call him king! It's quite possible the addict you love is one step away from the life-change you've been praying for.

For those still in the battle with your loved ones, I know the struggle is real.  But your support is more real - more real than you may believe.  Check for meetings in your community whether it be AA, NA or Celebrate Recovery.  Plant yourself in the middle of a well-run, long withstanding group that has years of recovery behind them.  Let yourself be loved in a healthy, supportive way because most likely you've been withholding getting close to anyone, as a form of unintended defense, for a very long time.  And make a list of what you love (loved) about your addict.  Don't let the enemy of your heart and soul rob you of all that is or was true.

Whatever you do, please don't try to manage this all alone.  There is a community of wellness waiting to help you see much more clearly than you can muster alone.  You're almost there.

"Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us"

Charles Kingsley 

*Picture from Google*

gustavofrazao - Fotolia

Aging with grace?

And, just like that I’m a white-haired red head!  This coming of age started several years back, probably 10 years or so, when I realized that my hair simply wasn’t growing like it used to anymore.  And without going into all the gory details, this loss is due to a hormonal imbalance between my next to nothing thyroid and my missing reproductive paraphernalia.  Aging at best.

I was very vain regarding my hair color.  I’d grown up a redhead when red hair wasn’t always the desired color. In fact, it was the outwardly rejected and repulsed color as taunts and teasing would testify, yet inwardly it was the color envied by most. As I began to battle the thinning and losing of my hair I clung to the color of my youth because it was the one thing that caused me to stand out among the crowd and caused others to usually always remember me.  Since I paid the price as a battle warrior (think Disney’s Merida) I was now going to wear my earned crown with pleasure into my adult years of life.

But the aging process began to win. My hair began to thin, and I began to fret.  What now were my options? Should I try a hair transplant?  I had toyed inwardly with this idea for YEARS and then my father brought it up and mentioned he would “help” me if I wanted to investigate it.  I began to realize that since he brought it up, my hair loss was much more noticeable than others tried to make me believe.  My hair stylist said that those she knew who had tried transplants were disappointed over time with the results. Well then, what about wigs?  I visited a salon some years ago and the wig master working the floor stated that I would have to wear full coverage wigs as I didn’t have enough hair to support partial pieces. That was a let down because I just wasn’t ready to wear a full coverage wig. Yet, I kept perusing the many wig catalogs and would order one, try it on, freak out and send it back. Time and again I tried to find my comfort zone against a battle that I wasn't winning.

A few more years went by and I began toying with the wig options again because they were affordable, and the quality and styles improved immensely!  A good friend put me in touch with another woman near my age who opted to begin wearing wigs full-time and looked beautiful in them! So, with a vote of confidence and assistance in trying wigs on, I ordered a few new wigs again all in the color of my youth. But in order to wear them comfortably and without added “heat” to the scalp, I had my hair shaved like a 1950’s buzz cut.  This was a huge step and transformation for me!  I wore the wigs faithfully for a short while, but as soon as I would come home not only did I get my lounging clothes on, but the wig would come off in one fell swoop. The current heat wave prompted my life-change rapidly and without a second thought.  It was super freeing to not have to mess with anything on top of my head!

Slowly I began to get accustomed to the look of my head with such short and blaring white hair! I could hardly believe how white I was and yet I couldn’t look away!   I thought it was pretty, but I didn’t dare leave the wigs off just yet.  How would visiting vendors respond when coming into the office? How about meeting others for the first time or simply going out to eat or church or grocery shopping?  I put an announcement out on FB, declaring to the world of the routes I was taking and backed it up with photos, but also with a disclaimer that this was purely for comfort reasons and not for any impending health reason.  Like a cloak of many colors you’re bound to find me in an array of changes on top of my head. Would I be sporting a colorful red-haired wig or a white-haired buzz? Perhaps a stylish Fedora or head scarf?  One will never know how I might arrive!

Oh, and also as a testimony to aging with confidence, I don’t wear any Spanx! 😜

"I will be your God throughout your lifetime— until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you"  Isaiah 46:4 

The First Step

Well, how'd you do yesterday? It was a beautiful weather day here and my day was busy like most with blessings throughout. I went to church in the morning and am always so thankful to be in the house of the Lord but also to be among what I call my faith family. These are the people that walk along side me and encourage me to be the very best that God planned all along. They urge me on and lift me up when I stumble. And believe me, I stumble.

How so? 

When I stumble, I start my day without a thought of God, my Higher Power. I wake up and charge into the starting gate ready to rock the world. Or I hide deeper under the covers and I just don't want to start anything. Anything.  Over the years of recovery, which led me to a much deeper walk with my Savior, I've learned to allow myself the time to wake up and thank up first. Thank up? Yes, sending my thanks up to God who is giving me another breath of life and a new day to begin again. Do you know how much God has promised us in His Word? Do you know how often He offers us forgiveness, help and a hand up? 

Look at what He says here. 'Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.' (Isaiah 41:10) 

Who couldn't use this kind of help? I sure need Him to hold me up often! 

I stumble through the day when I don't respond to people correctly. Sometimes we say that's just the way we are but if you strive to be better than the day before, it requires looking at yourself and the way you interact with people. I came from a very large family and often the atmosphere was a survival of the fittest which could mean a lot of different things to different people. In our home it might have been the quickest wit, whether funny and lighthearted or sharp and painful, wins. It wasn't necessarily about which way it was delivered but you had to get it in first. This could create a myriad of heartache if you were a nano-second behind. If you came in second, you lost the moment. Strength in words can either build people up or tear people down. Now, everything ever said in our home was not negative and unkind. At all. Telling others to toughen up might not always be the answer although in our culture we could use a little bit of that thinking for sure. It surely is a fine line, isn't it? Truth in love should be spoken but truth in hurtful pokes and barbs is never correct. 

I also stumble through the day when I let electronics keep me from doing a task that requires my full attention. I've been decluttering for months. Months, I say!  Some days I respond to the task well at hand and other days it appears overwhelming. The reward in decluttering however can come in delightful surprises. I'm finding as I go through clothes that didn't fit me just right a year ago (but I didn't pass on) are now fitting me just right. Bonus! 

All this to say that starting my day with God is simply so much better than when I stumble into the day with a face plant. When I sit down with my Bible and recovery reading, without realizing it, I start out with a deep, relaxing sigh. I've noticed that every time. It puts me in a place of surrendering all that I was carrying to our meeting spot. When I start the day with saying 'Thank you for a new day' it sets my mind on God walking me through today instead of me running ahead and asking God to hurry up!

I hope you have found your place with God and people to support you through whatever obstacles face you today. His Word is a great place to find all that He has promised to those who believe. I can testify that it's true!!  Do you know that God says He has loved us with an everlasting love?? If we don't know that, we can't fill up with His strength and confidence. 

The First Step of Recovery which says: We admitted we were powerless over ____ (fill in your own struggle) and that our lives had become unmanageable. We are recognizing and saying that we have no defense over our situation, substance or people. What a great way to start the day. Acknowledge that you are powerless and ask your Higher Power, (God for me, the maker and creator of all things), to lead you in the way that you should go.  I don't need to stumble into the day at all! 

And don't forget, all the strength you need to get through the day is found in His Word. In case you don't own a Bible, you can go to Bible Gateway (https://www.biblegateway.com/) and find His love letter to you there! 

Check it out!  Need some suggestions? Send me a note! 

Pic googled 

Mom, Take Your Eyes Off!

Next to Christmas and New Years day, the hardest holiday for families in crisis is probably Mother's Day.

Magazines, TV programs and ads, newspapers, radio and Facebook tout enduring pitches of what a great mother your mother was and the reward you should be giving her.  But I'd venture to say that most mother's of addicts and alcoholics are struggling to find their place today.   This holiday almost seems to be a competition as to which mother has been honored more by her adoring children.

After all, where would we be without our mothers?  Some people, however, didn't have loving mothers and are searching for someone to affirm them and validate their existence while some mothers are struggling to find their loving children underneath all the chemicals running rampant through their veins.

Perhaps each Mother's day rolls by with your stomach inside out in anguish wondering whether or not you'll get a glimpse of your addicted one. Maybe Mother's day is the same as every other day with all the chaos, fighting and tears that you've been enduring for weeks, months or years now.  "Nothings changed!"  you shout to yourself as you pull on the covers and put the light out on another disappointing, heart-breaking day.  You go to sleep with tears falling on your pillow and cursing the situation you are in, loathing the alarm that will jolt you awake in 7 hours for yet another exhausting day. 

"How will this ever be different?" you ask to no one in particular.  Heavy sighs follow.

One of the current buzz phrases is "change agent" and people are being urged to be the change they want to see.  Being codependent, we sometimes struggle severely to see that things really can be different. We take on the thinking that this life was merely meant to be endured and nothing better would come our way.  Oh, the lies of addiction affect the whole family!

But, if you could change something today, what would it be?  Don't lose a ton of time thinking about what you know you cannot change.  Instead,  if you could change one thing today for yourself what would it be?  Have you set any goals for yourself?  This isn't easy. We aren't used to focusing on ourselves in a healthy way. I am just beginning to set new, attainable goals and I've been working a program for 6 years.  

What would next Mother's day be like for you if you can make a reasonable change for yourself?  I used to imagine my special days with my children and grands around my feet. That really isn't the way it goes in my family and now I'm okay with that. The truth is, my sons and daughter-in-law don't love me any more or any less because we aren't all gathered together but for years the lies in my head told me differently.  Facebook and other venues may make you feel less loved or cared for, but you can stop that in its tracks right now. Stay off of Facebook if it breaks your heart. 

What can you do that lets love in and allows you to feel at peace?  For me, I took today off. Off from everything.  I didn't go to church which is rare. I would love to have been there but I attend a church that is 35 minutes away and was just in that area yesterday and will be there again tomorrow night for a meeting so I decided a week ago, that I was probably going to spend Sunday morning in my chair, with a cup of coffee and my feet up and my Higher Power, my Savior, is okay with that!  I watched "I Love Lucy" reruns and read the paper.  I made home made waffles and took a nap. I received messages from people that love me which includes my own offspring and watched my beloved Detroit Tigers while catching up on some overdue reading. It has been a perfect day!  In the past I may not have heard from one or the other of my sons and for some reason I let the drugs lie to me about how they really felt about me. Suddenly the day would be lost in "should haves and would haves and if only".  Ugh. 

I'm thankful and grateful that this program allows me to let go of my expectations, to still be at peace in my heart and to know when to walk away from Facebook. Just like I learned years ago to turn off the TV during Christmas when the messages were overwhelmingly laden with couples and romance and what I thought I was missing, I'm learning to not let anyone or anything dictate what these days ought to be and where my joy comes from.

So, I ask again, what will mother's day look like tomorrow? What will it look like next year? What changes will you make in your own life choices that will bring you joy and peace for each day leading up to next mother's day?  Remember  that it's just one day at a time so you don't have to change every messy thing today. It's a process, sometimes slow and laborious but a process nonetheless. You will see that you are different than you were 30 days ago, six months ago and each passing year.   

Take your eyes off your addict.  Look out the window and see how many different kinds of birds are in your neighborhood.  It's that time of year to plant a garden or container that will bring joy to your heart.  Take your eyes off your addict.  Read a book that challenges your thinking or takes you on a brain vacation. Take your eyes off your addict. You are a good mom and you are loved.  Don't hang your head any more for the choices your addict has made. Don't bury yourself for your past parenting mistakes made in love. Get some support and friends who will see the talents and gifts you have been given.  It sounds trite but Let Go and Let God. 

Mostly take your eyes off your addict and place them on God who cares for you more than you'll ever know.  Bask in His love for you as He longs to lead you into something new and loving and exciting. 

Happy Mother's Day from one change agent to another! 

Letting Go

Life is full of choosing.  Do I stay or do I go? Do I love or do I walk away? Do I eat this or choose that?  We are constantly being challenged in our own thoughts to choose wisely or indulge. Sometimes you can do both, but those moments are rare, indeed. 

Letting Go is a topic that follows us everywhere.  In the last few years the song from Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" has been used in a variety of commercials, background music and children's birthday parties.  The lyrics have been sung by people of all sizes and ages in a quest to answer their own dilemma at hand. 

This past week at my meeting, we were discussing the topic to Let Go. One by one, male and female, shared the struggles and scenarios that are so familiar to families in drug crises and varying expressions of nodding, grimacing and sometimes tears were displayed unashamedly. One parent is in such raw pain and so new to this place of healing but not yet understanding how in the world she will ever be able to let go and step away from the child she loves who is active in addiction, she cannot fathom letting go. "But, I'm her mother" and "What if she needs me" were sobbingly stated. "I don't know how, I don't know how. I can't do it - I just can't let go".  

Identifying with her pain, I silently whispered a quick prayer for God's Spirit to comfort her and strengthen her resolve. I didn't want her to be in that place that we all have to walk through.  Being the great enabler that I am, I so wanted to ease her pain and take it from her, but knew that there is simply nothing any of us can do, but stand with her, be available for a phone call or just find the time to sit by her side if she asked. 

As each person shared from their own perspective,  some things were said in the direction of the crying mom in hopes of her realizing that we too, have walked her walk and felt her pain. That only time, and sometimes distance, really is what needs to be given in order to begin to heal. 

Finally, one of the true veterans of this meeting said something very helpful about Letting Go.  "People are often saying let it go, let go, or you should be letting go. What they are leaving out is the rest of the phrase which is to Let God.  If you are carrying something precious to you, such as a beautiful glass dish, or a valued picture frame holding the photo of someone you cherish and you need to suddenly let it go, what do you do?  You don't just drop it and let it fall to the floor in a million shattered pieces. You place it in another pair of hands or into a cabinet, on a table or in a drawer where it's safe.  When someone you love is in addiction and it's time to Let Go, you need to  actively Let God.  Place the one you love in God's capable hands where you know they are safe if they so choose. You have placed them lovingly into the hands of the only One who can change them and make a difference in their life. Oh, you'll attempt to take them back, but keep placing your darling into the hand of God and you will begin to find rest for your self."  

Her message is a great reminder to all of us of this simple practice. And it is a practice that needs to be repeated again and again as we navigate through our own maze of challenges; we have to practice keeping our eyes on our own path to peace and let others experience the same. 

May you find peace and love tonight in Letting God. Let Him in, let Him love, let Him heal, let Him lead you.  

It will only get better, this I know. 

The Christmas Ghosts

Ebenezer Scrooge wasn't the only one that had no peace and was visited by ghosts through his hours of restless slumber. Those ghosts can be so active as they try to infiltrate the most lovely of days even when we're awake!   I often find myself alone through these days except for a few brief moments of breaking bread here and there with others, but the hours go slowly when you are by yourself through what appears to be the most wonderful time of the year.  


Yesterday evening I went to a Christmas Eve service where I attend church and as usually happens it brings peace to my soul and new vision to my sight of what Christmas is truly all about. And that's a good, good thing since the chaos of a life partnered with addicts can and will try to blur the truth if you're naively unaware. 

The Ghost of Christmas Past tries to enter into the present on a regular basis.  Flashing pictures before me of somber, sad days when the addict I loved was M.I.A. or incarcerated for yet another year, the ghost tries to rob me of today's love, peace and joy that's rooted down deep in my soul. He throws dirt on my soul in an effort to cover up the truth and tries desperately to turn my feelings into a tumultuous throwback of days gone by.  Ha!  That ghost doesn't know he's coming up against an arsenal of Biblical truths and 12 Step practices that have woven themselves in and through my mind, heart and soul and will come up against any lies or deceit of the past trying to make this day miserable.  Instead, with every fiery dart the ghost tries to shoot my way the Truth comes up to intercept and redirect that dart away from me and quickly floods my thoughts with accurate words that quell my fears and sadness. The Spirit of Truth says to me through His Word: "For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light"  (Psalm 56:13)

Life-giving Light!! Take that, Marley!  

The Ghost of Christmas Present is really waging war with the Spirit of The Lord who is keeping my eyes and thoughts where they belong.  He reminds me in Philippians with these words:  "So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision - you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it." (Phil 3:15-16)

Oh, I could go on and on about the Scriptures in Philippians as they are a firm foundation to my faith walk and keeping me healthy along with the truths of Al-anon encouraging me to stay focused on NOW.  Not going back to rehash what's already passed and not going forward and fixating on an event or scenario that hasn't happened yet, but to just be here. Right here, right now. Don't you see how they fit hand in hand? It has turned MY thinking inside out and let my Creator whisper truth, guidance and direction in the way that He says I should go or when He says I should be still.  Those are hard lessons learned at times, but the most valuable lessons I've ever experienced.   

The Ghost of Christmas Future is no ghost to me. Not anymore. I've learned to not run ahead of myself and create angst where there doesn't need to be any. I am not going to try to outsmart my addict, or any other person in my life so I can prepare as to how I will react, do or not do the thing that hasn't even happened yet. God's word is rich with promises of leading me into the future in His loving care. Wow...what a lot of time spent unnecessarily in days gone by.  I'm so thankful to be out of the faux rat-race I was in!  Ugh! 

My Creator says: 

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand new."   (Isaiah 43:18 (MSG) 

Step Three says, and I go to this step often in my meditation, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understood Him".  That step is part of the 12 Steps of AA which began in August 1938 and became equally important to Al-Anon in it's beginnings in 1951. 

Make today count in the best way you can focusing on this one important truth. You are loved today whether in a crowd of people or sitting alone in a dark place.  Let the Light of Life shine in your heart and chase those ghosts away whether it be past, present or future. Your Creator desires to do something magnificent in your life!! Step back and let Him in!

Merry Christmas, my friends! 

Amends!

I think the part I love most about walking in recovery is that it just gets better day by day, month by month and year by year.  Peace rules my day as I turn to my Higher Power, My Creator, to learn from Him and put all I'm learning into practice.   

This past week someone I dearly love made an amends to me when I least expected it. Those are the best ones!  Recovery has given me so much freedom in putting the past behind me that if the amends never came, it would not have to affect our relationship IF I practiced what I learned.  I love the part about letting go of the past and pressing on that Scripture constantly tells me and recovery reinforces.  When the words came to me with a humble apology it was a soothing salve to my heart and joy deep in my soul.  I shared with the one who spoke to me that when our relationship began to be restored that all was forgiven and put behind me but their words meant the world to me. 

Hazelden (Treatment) has such great information on their website and so I've linked to their page about amends.  Their page reiterated that amends is not merely an apology but a change as well.  My special one's heart changed months back and our relationship began to walk in a new path.  When I received precious, heartfelt words from one I love, they said that they meant to say this to me before but the opportunity hadn't come up and then life got in the way. :)

It's never too late to make a true amends. Even if the person  you've wronged or who has wronged you is no longer around, you can do something in their honor in many ways.  Plant a tree, sign up to be an organ donor, give a book to another in their memory, volunteer with their favorite organization. The list is unending.  

So, seize the day friends! You've nothing to lose but precious moments that could be love filled instead of gaping holes sucking the life out of you. 

Let Me Count The Ways

How can I encourage you? Let me count the ways.  My writing has been sparse the last few years and I'm thinking about why.  It seems that some things have come a very long way since I began writing in April 2007. I've changed, Cliff has changed, Son number one and lovely Espousa have certainly changed along with the addition of mini-chick and little lil added to the mix.  Realizing that my days are no longer consumed with the lives of each member of my family brings an amazing sigh of relief and a heart full of gratitude. 

I'm here to tell you that as things are today in your life, they shall not remain.  You may still be taking two steps forward and three steps back, but as long as you're moving and starting again, you're making progress. Yay, you! Even as recently as three years ago, my family was still at opposite ends of cohesiveness and understanding where each person ought to be. Similarly to a chess board in mid-play we all seemed to be watching each other guardedly and making decisions based on what we thought each other should do.  Each of us had our place on this board and often our challenges ended in a stale-mate. Ugh.  What a waste of time and energy those days seemed to be.  Recovery however, was continuing to shape me, mold me and teach me things about myself that I didn't "get" before.  Trusting God became much more natural in my daily views on life. Oh, I thought I had been doing that for years and it turns out I was, but not for myself. That's because in my old patterns of behavior and character defect I thought taking care of everyone else's business was my role in life. Everyone else thought 'heck yeah, if she wants to do this, let her!"   And so it goes.

I'm so thankful that God has brought me through these steps carefully and continues to allow me to peel back layer by layer and take step by step, inch by inch. He's so good that way because He never demands an overwhelming task from me. He guides me with His hand and takes me through a sometimes tricky and prickly path of life only to find beautiful fragrances and heavenly views along the way. I found myself saying to no one in particular how lovely it is that my family is simply doing life, just as God planned all along.  And I've learned that when I am not supposed to move, I stand on the foundations of God's truths and the 12 steps that give clarity to my thinking and choices so that I'm not darting sporadically trying to make changes happen, but standing firmly and moving with purpose and direction.

And so to finish my tale, yesterday I had a lovely visit with Son #1 and his family. They bring me so much love and joy I can't find the right words to convey all that I am feeling.  Tonight Cliff called to talk about his day. He's now busy finding his way entirely on his own in another state.  I told him I was happy he was finding his place and  having such great successes, small as they may seem. At the end of our chat Cliff said to me, "I guess I had to be thrown in to the water to see if I could sink or swim. I guess I'm a swimmer!  I always thought I'd be a sinker but it turns out I'm not!"  I could hear the smile from here.

Take a look at the 12 steps and partner it up with God's promises. You will be counting your steps into a new life too. Guaranteed.

Mom's Homecoming

On this date in 2003 my mother took her last breath of life and sighed peacefully when she was finished with her race. I was privileged to be with Mom at that moment alongside my father in what seemed to be the most beautiful parting of a love affair that rivaled any Hollywood Movie. It was peaceful and sweet if you can imagine death in that context; Mom had fought her illness long and hard with dignity and grace but she was tired.

Mom learned life the hard way as the youngest daughter of an alcoholic father and she carried secrets and sorrow to her grave that will never be told. Once in a while, a small part of her story was shared but not often. Being from that silent generation meant discussing hurts from the past was not acceptable nor encouraged. Keeping a stiff upper lip and plodding through life was the order of the day and Mom did that well.  Alcohol (along with any abuse) is the front runner of "secretitis". You learn fast how to keep your mouth closed and eyes averted when subjects come up that are too close to heart and home.

In the beginning of my walk in recovery as the mother of an addict, I heard the phrase early on that "you're as sick as your secrets". Thinking through the stages of my life as an adult that were filled with tumultuous and troubling moments I realized that I was not well at all! And through the years now of recovery for me, as I've peeled back layer by layer I've thought often of my dearly departed mother. I'm saddened to think that she bore her pain mostly alone. I'm pretty certain that she didn't talk a lot a about her pain with Dad because that just wasn't the way it was done. My wonderful father is a stalwart who struggles to communicate verbally on the things that are close to his heart. But once in a while, in the still of the evening often after mom was in bed, Dad would wistfully talk a little bit about the hand mom had been dealt. He was angry about the way she had been treated in her young life by her parents as she was farmed out to many relatives, most likely for her safety and protection, and Dad vowed that he would never abandon my Mother. Therefore, she would remain at home all of her days, which she did.

Mom had a strong personality and a twinkle in her eye that truly seemed to live out the words of the beloved song When Irish Eyes Are Smiling. She loved her children the best way she knew how. I believe in my heart that the unfinished business with alcohol robbed her of her full potential as I've struggled in my own way of fulfilling mine as well. Only now as I approach the golden years do I feel that I'm coming into "my own". 

Mom never knew or accepted her own beauty. She was extremely uncomfortable in front of a camera and most of her early pictures reveal an almost stern look to which she would remark regularly that she didn't like to see herself in pictures. Later in life, those feelings seemed to finally begin to dissolve. At the viewing for my mom, her friends remarked that mom was very smart in school and barely had to study. But that seemed to be a hidden gem as well as my mother believed my dad to be the king of intelligence and hid behind his place in life.

Ah, Mother, you are now at rest and will never be under the struggle of comparisons, or feeling inferior to others. You will never hear tapes replayed in your head that were hurtful or negative. You had so much to offer the world yet you offered it all to us. You filled us up with encouraging words that were never whispered to you and believed that each of your children could change the world if we chose. My only hope is that you knew how much you were loved here by your family. You struggled to grasp that God, your Creator, loved you enough to accept you and set you free in your eternal life. I'm so thankful we cleared that up before you left! Your Homecoming was a wonderful celebration of your life, dear Mom. All heaven rejoiced that day!

Your life impacted me so much Mom, and I thank you for your constant belief in me. Your beauty and lovely fragrance still radiate today.

The Most Wonderful Day of the Year?

So for many people this isn't the most wonderful day of the year.  And now the escalation of loneliness, sorrow and sadness seems insurmountable and so we hide out to drink, to use or to wail alone with tears that do not end.  But like the Grinch found out, this day came whether the Who's in Whoville had gifts, trees, ribbons and bows, or had nothing at all. The Spirit of Joy that day was in their heart and not in their circumstances. This revelation comes to each of us in our own way on our own day. But I encourage you to not let one more day go by with toxic thoughts that keep you from the Perfect Love that can sustain you and move you out from your trough and into freedom from the bondage of addiction, alcoholism and even enabling.

If you are in recovery, call a friend, go to a meeting, or spend an hour with someone that will give you some of their strength to carry on. If you aren't in recovery but battle with one that you had hoped would be, stop battling and reach out as well to others waiting for a kind word or a hug or a pair of gloves they desperately need. Share a meal and share a laugh.

Truly, each day can be The Most Wonderful Day of The Year if you let the light of His Perfect Love come to stay in your heart, soul and mind.

Merry Christmas

 *Picture googled*

Summer Synopsis

Can you believe these beautiful mini-chicks are from the same two parents? Lovely brown and purely pink! More beautiful flowers were never created. :)

This picture sums up my summer, really. A summer filled with love and family and activity and joy.

I took a two-month reprieve from some of my typical activities only to spend the time filling up on more knowledge regarding this life of recovery, boundary setting and good mental health. Changing it up allowed a lot more time for summer love with family in a way I've never been able to experience with my own offspring. What a wonderful gift it's been!

Yet in the midst of joy, my extended family said goodbye to another sibling of my Dad's, only to drive home, once again, the frailty of life. Fast and fleeting. Choose your battle, claim your victories. Don't waste a minute looking back.

My immediate family gathered from near and far for my Dad's impending octogenarian celebration. We surely caught him off guard and enjoyed a day that was simply pure love and fun. There were about 30 of us together and we were still missing some valuable treasures that were unable to travel home for this once in a lifetime event.

A few weeks later, Cliff celebrated his 29th birthday, starting at home with our little family enjoying a barbecue, followed by taking 3 guests and himself to a Detroit Tiger game. All of his guests were females! What a guy! What a way to celebrate his special day! Some had never been to a professional ball game before and they saw a great winning game!

Last weekend, Cliff and I went 2 hours north for a long weekend with some family friends and their son, who is also in recovery. The weather was perfect for March. :) Drizzly mornings and grey skies ensued, with temperatures in the 60's. But it didn't dampen a thing about our time together. We had a blast!! Playing board games late into the night, riding a pontoon with hoods, sweatshirts and blankets, and great food by a warm fire.

It was a very busy summer, yet nothing extremely out of the ordinary of what most families experience year after year. But for me and my own, it was a new year without the influence of.....anything!!

Oh, this really is the life that God intended!


I'll be back much sooner than later. :)

Mother and Child Reunion

Initially our eyes met briefly ~ sneaking a peek and darting away, only to be glanced at again in a sideways slant. I longed to stare into the face and eyes of the son that seemed to drink in a memory of his birth mom nearly 19 years ago. Due to a speaking seminar I was attending in Daniel's home town I was now a guest in his home.

When Daniel was born, he was a healthy 9 lbs 4 oz solid baby boy! And, I know it's not necessary to say, but he was BEAUTIFUL. I'm of the opinion that children of mixed heritage are often the most striking people that grace this earth. The evening before this family would begin a journey for a lifetime, Daniel's parents came to visit me in the hospital. I was sitting on my bed holding Daniel up on my shoulder and his soon-to-be parents and I were talking as old friends might do about life in general. Sort of the white elephant saga, we spoke of everything and anything that didn't have to do with tomorrow's transition. At one point during our conversation, I was speaking to Carol when suddenly Daniel picked his head up off my shoulder and looked up into my face as if to say "I know this voice. Are you my mother?"

The last night that Daniel and I had together as mother and son was so bittersweet. I didn't want it to end, yet I longed to move on swiftly in an effort to reduce the pain that was welling up inside of me. I rolled Daniel's bassinet to my room in the middle of the night as he was beginning to stir for an early morning bottle. Thankful that I had a private room I talked to Daniel and told him things that I hoped would remain in his soul forever. His eyes were bright and gleaming, rich in depth and seemed to sparkle brightly all the while. We talked for what seemed like hours as that last night turned into day. Daniel was all ears and quite alert for being only 30 hours old, seeming to drink in everything I said to him with earnest delight, almost as if to say, "tell me more, Mom. I want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about you before I go." We lingered that morning, he and I.

Impending grief loomed large and every now and then, for a fleeting moment, I almost changed my mind. How could this be??? How did I get into this situation?? Of course, I knew how, but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be placing a child of my womb, a child of my heart into another families arms to raise.

When Fran, the adoption facilitator came to tell me the time was drawing near, she left me alone again with Daniel sleeping in his bassinet. I peered over this perfect little child and wept uncontrollably. I picked him up and held him so close it felt as if we would simply become one. Unable to take these emotions for another minute Fran seemed to come back right on time. I placed this beautiful boy into her arms and as she left the room, I sank into my pillow and wept with more pain than I had ever felt before. Yet, in my heart of hearts I knew that as painful as this was, as hard as it was, it was the most right thing I've ever done and I thanked God for giving me the strength to carry it through.

Now, it's 2009 and these past five days Daniel and I played cat and mouse with our eyes, our questions and our thoughts. One evening of my visit, DJ, as his family called him from day one, brought out his graduation party poster boards, "The Shrine of Daniel" his family teasingly called it, chronicling his life from birth through graduation. I poured over those boards, recalling some of the pictures I'd received through the years and marveling at others I had never seen. The next evening when we were all out for ice cream, his 82 year old grandfather thanked me with such feeling for the gift I had given to this family and told me how much he loved this boy. I was humbled deeply and had even more gratitude for this family given to me. Athletically, Daniel succeeds. Grandpa told me that at each sporting event, no matter who in the family was there to cheer him on, Daniel would hug each one after the game that day and thank them for being there. What a guy!

My speaking seminar was an incredible process of learning to find an aim and application to whatever I may choose to speak about. It sounds easy enough but really takes some work to hone in on this craft and learn that my words and gestures need to be purposeful from beginning to end. It was difficult in some ways because at night, when I should have been spending time reworking my assignment, I was bonding again with Carol. We shared so much more of our lives that didn't necessarily include Daniel. Some days I felt emotionally spent, but it was ALL GOOD.

Being a woman of faith was the only thing that carried me through the past 19 years that was filled with divorce, addiction, recovery, job loss, death, grieving and a smattering of abundant joy through my grandgirls. Only God would have known that 19 years ago when I placed Daniel into this family, that I would end up at a conference less than five miles away from his home. Only God would have Carol call me "out of the blue" and then, after finding out I'd be in their town, invite me to spend my nights with them allowing Daniel and me to have some interaction that prayerfully will give him even more security in the fact knowing that he's always been loved by me.

A mother and child reunion is only a motion away.

Through the deepest trials of life, God will sustain those who ask. Not only sustain, but restore brokenness to an even better place than it was to begin with.

"Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust."

Joel 2:25a

*All Pics Googled*

#3, Daniel

In the chaotic years of my life, I tried to live a life of perfection and ideals that were simply impossible achievements for me. Probably for anyone. I'd learned to function under extreme stress, verbal abuse and craziness. Dodging the barrage of hurled insults became a natural way of life for me. Sadly, when I could stand no more I learned to fire them back. Once the assaults moved away, I unknowingly still believed them and lived under the weight of their oppression. When the voices in my head automatically played the tapes, I thought it was true because my reality became what someone said it was. Oh, I tried to tell myself these things weren't true and I wasn't all he said I was, but my lifestyle told another story. I parented the best I knew how, but I longed for someone to validate me as a woman and an individual person. I provided my sons with as much love as anyone could but gave myself no love, no grace, and no room for growth.

Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that reality is what so many people live with day in and day out. Codependency is manifested in many ways through many situations and often so discreetly that one is unaware of the depth of impact on oneself. So anyway....

I had wonderful friends and tried to fill the void with activity all the while trying to squelch the feelings and thoughts I had regarding intimacy, love and sex. Because I hadn't sorted through the lies in the depth of my soul, I couldn't begin to figure out what was healthy for me. Unaware, I walked around in horrific pain with a smile always plastered on my face.

In an effort to feel womanly, worthy, accepted and loved I looked for love in all the wrong places. If a date treated me as we all deserved to be treated, with respect and kindness, I transformed into a sappy, silly adolescent girl. I was sure he thought I was someone special and must have true love feelings for me because he made me feel beautiful. My psyche was so tainted I didn't know that there was really nothing special going on here ~ this was the way one person should treat another. Period. My dates were brief, ended up with sex and then I was alone again, naturally.

The result of one of those dates gave me the gift of pregnancy. I was mortified. It mattered not that at that time of my life I WAS on birth control for menstrual issues. It mattered not that truthfully this man and I had sex ONE time. It mattered not that I was a woman of 35 and not a girl of 17 facing an unplanned pregnancy. I was in guttural anguish. Every fiber of my being was crushed and destroyed and I never felt so alone. My thoughts went from abortion to running away ~ from keeping this baby to placing it into an adoptive home. To put it lightly, I was simply reeling.

I had prayed long and deep about this decision and felt for once that I listened to wisdom from God as my Father. Rifling through stacks of profiles from the agency I was working with wasn't easy. I could feel through the profiles just how desperately these families wanted a child. My 3rd son Daniel was born the day before my 36th birthday. Believing that God works perfectly through our messes, I chose to place Daniel into an adoptive home with two parents who had displayed great faith, humor and stability.

Because I came from a large family and love that fact, I chose parents who already had other children. I wanted Daniel to learn right from the start that life didn't revolve around him and that he would have to share; that he could experience great camaraderie in a larger family full of love. Five years later Daniel's parents also adopted a set of twins putting him smack in the middle of a family with 6 children. Loved it!

The years moved quickly and Daniel thrived through them. This family endured what most families battle. One of their sons struggled through addictions and school. The twins had serious, serious health concerns possibly relating to a birth mom's drug abuse. Just by virtue of living on this earth, I'm sure this family had many more struggles of which I'll never know. Daniel, however, continued to do well in school, church and sports.

Yesterday my phone rang and it was Daniel's Mom, Carol. Daniel was not only participating in but also being honored as part of a Division 1, 1st Team Defensemen on an All State Lacrosse Team (he's in the orange, #3). I was invited to join them and watch Daniel play, but had a prior commitment. In the course of our lengthy conversation I mentioned to Carol that I would be attending a seminar just 10 minutes from their home and maybe we could meet one evening. Asking where I was staying resulted in an invitation to stay with them for several nights saving additional hotel fees. Per my request, my acceptance hinged on Daniels approval ~ he did and I did. Toward the end of our conversation, Daniel and I talked for a minute. I wanted to tell him just how proud I have been over the years and that I've consistently prayed for his life, his choices and his future. He's been given a scholarship, sight unseen, to a Div 2 school in Florida. For 18 years Daniel's parents and I have shared an unbelievable relationship, undergirded by faith, and I've been so blessed knowing how his parents have raised all of their children. They've honored me in the way they've raised Daniel.

Carol and I talked for 45 minutes as sisters of the heart. We are. We share a love for a son.

In Search of Healthy Love

All my life I've been somewhat of a people pleaser, and a darn good one at that! When my sister and I were growing up, we were often called upon to babysit our younger siblings. In our house my sister was commonly known as "Lucy Van Pelt" and I was absorbed with "I Love Lucy". Guess who my sibs wanted as their babysitter? We Want Laura, they would shout! Van Pelt NEVER let anyone walk on her, around her or over her if she thought they weren't supposed to do, act or behave a certain way. I, on the other hand, wanted happy times all the time so rearranging the rules was an excuse by me for everyone to be happy. :)

I was a codependent in training from the get-go. Somewhere, fair and balanced behavior missed me. I was just skipping along minding my own business most of the time or at least that's what it seemed like from my perspective. Was it our generation? We were caught between the "everyone lives happily ever after" era and the "we trust and believe no one over 30" thinking that was springing up all around. I preferred the happily ever after group and who wouldn't? To me the second group was always fighting against everyone and I didn't see the benefit of the alcohol/drug life. I was afraid that I would like it and not be able to stop or something bad would happen to me. Thankfully, for once I yielded to my guardian angels urging. It's not something I did very often. Looking mostly like Joannie Cunningham when she was a beaver girl in Happy Days set the pattern of my days in high school. I looked out of place, often felt out of place, and being a mid-November baby when I started school at age 4, I was slow to develop and slow to mature. I was barely beginning to emerge into an individual and recognizing that I needed some boundaries when my life changed.

When I was a senior I met my first real boyfriend who became my first real husband, my sons Daddio. I was sucked into a "code" relationship very quickly. The chaos revealed almost immediately that there was something brewing in his life and it wasn't good. We hadn't been dating long when graduation day was upon us. His parents opted out of going to the ceremony for various reasons/excuses. Sadly, Daddio went alone to his graduation and I went with my parents. Later in the day, Daddio came by on his 10-speed bike, riding to beat the band. He lived at least two miles away so it was a good ride away. Clearly he was angry and stated flat out he was leaving home. It seems that when he got home from the ceremony and showed his parents his diploma his mother was many sheets to the wind and she began one of her verbal assaults on Daddio. Before he knew what was happening she tore his diploma into bits and pieces and tossed it all over the floor. As he replayed the scenario to me I couldn't believe my ears and immediately my feelings were to comfort this "poor guy".... and so the cycle began. Pity for Daddio and an immediate "I'll save you!" feeling came over me. I had a huge knot inside of me trying to grasp that any one's parents would do this to their own child and, so I thought, love would cover it all.

But there's only one type of love that covers it all and that's the love gift we get from God.

Our love, or version of it, is often skewed, unhealthy or biased and when applied to hurts and anguish in our lives it's even more tainted. We imagine it to be the curing salt on the wound and that the wound will be completely healed if we salt it enough. Often, we don't look for the wound root that needs healing to make it whole again. We salt, sugar coat and slather from the outside in hopes of covering or healing the surface scars that remain. Learning to go deeper and work for healing from the inside out can be painstakingly slow and there are seasons in life we feel we just don't have the time for that slow process. We live in the USA, dammit, and I want this fixed NOW and PAINFREE!

The gift of love from the Creator of love must be managed with wisdom from the love giver. Reading His love notes to me along with my tools in recovery is the basis of foundation where true love will manifest into a healthy, healing love relationship with myself.

John 15:9-13 (The Message)
"I've loved you the way my Father has loved me.

Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love. That's what I've done—kept my Father's commands and made myself at home in his love."

*All Pics Googled*