A New Decade and A New Choice

God is able to accomplish, provide, help, save, keep, subdue. 

He is able to do what you can't. 

He already has a plan. God's not bewildered. Go to Him.  

Max Lucado

It's 2020! Do you recall looking ahead as a child and thinking about what your life would look like at 2020? What plans did you have for yourself? Where would you be living and who would you be living with? The list goes on of how we coulda, woulda, shoulda landed where we are today. BUT, along came something you didn't plan on.  

What rocks your world?  I'm not sure, but I think once you've been down the avenue of life's rocky adventures, your world doesn't rock so easily any longer.  The news you get today is always compared to the awareness and knowledge of your loved one living a risky life with substances or other earth shattering moments.  Perhaps you've received the news that someone you love is in a debilitating situation with their health and you can't see beyond today or believe that there is a chance for healing or a longer life.  Maybe you were just notified of a crime that occurred and your loved one was right in the middle of it.  Or, the phone rang and it was your own doctor with news you never imagined would be yours.  When we are younger and look ahead we surely don't plan for these types of scenarios.  And why would we? We'd be living like Eeyore if our horizon was heavy laden all the time with impending storm clouds.  

Nothing teaches us more about life than living.  Each day has troubles of it's own, the Bible says, so don't go looking ahead for more to add to your burden.  

How do I do that, you wonder?  Each day remains the same it seems, as if you were stuck in a scene from the Groundhog Day Movie.  They leave the house, looking to score, and you cry. Wandering the house alone you find yourself creeping into the bedrooms looking for something, anything, to sort out your thoughts and squelch the impending truths that are lying in your path of cloudy vision.  You realize that you see things you don't understand. and you shake your head in bewilderment as if that will help you clear out the chaos in your thinking.  But you're so frozen in fear, you don't ask anyone about it because you can't accept what's right in front of your nose.  You haven't found a place to land with ears to listen because you're so ashamed about what you think is happening you simply find it impossible to utter a word.  You've convinced yourself you're all alone. And the vision plays out the same each day, month, year and decade.  Suddenly you're in 2020 and it looks the same as 2015, 2010 and as far back as you can remember. 

And you silently scream, how can I believe this statement about God?  He's so far removed from my situation, you believe, that He's no help to me.  But, eventually you find that you are thinking and talking to God more each day because you have no one else to talk to and nowhere else to go. Is He speaking to me? Is my situation really going to change as He says? 

If anything is true, it's the truth that we have choices.  And, if we choose to put ourselves into God's hand and change our thinking, OUR situation will change because WE will change.  It may not stop the addict from scoring or the drunk from another binge, but we might find our responses to the swill around us can be shifted.  Instead of jumping into the pigpen and trying to wrestle with swine, convincing them of another way, we walk on a new path in order to make choices that are good for US. Slowly we learn to side step the puddles lying on our paths. 

We begin to gain the peace that God promises, that the world won't understand.  How can we have peace in the midst of such chaos? Because we are learning to trust God at His Word that what He says is true.  And this trust isn't because of any magic, cosmic energy, aura or karma.  God doesn't subscribe to that thinking.  The Prince of Peace is above all man-made concoctions of the pathway to peace that doesn't include Him, simply because He IS peace. 

So, as we turn the calendar over to a new day, new week, new year and new decade, we also decide to turn our lives and wills over to the care of God.  Step Three in a nutshell says: "I can't.  God can.  I think I'll let Him."

Happy New Day! 

The 3C's

A few weeks ago, just as the new year was beginning, two dear friends of mine got the confirmation of what they each suspected. Their sons were active in addiction again; the timing was crazy since these two families don't interact. The anxious texts and calls were frequent and though I've been down this path for years now, I found myself frustrated that I didn't have "the answer" to give my friends.  And I know deep in my heart I don't have the answer for them. It took me a long time to learn that there isn't one answer that fits all.  And in fact, just as I had to learn to walk through the devastating pain of a loved one's addiction, I knew and they knew they had to process through the mess again.  These friends are recovery savvy.  They know these programs inside and out.  But still, when it's someone you love getting the news is like hitting a brick wall with your face and instantly the inability to swallow comes back.  The only difference this time around is that we've learned more quickly how to go to the source of peace.  We acknowledge much faster that we are powerless over others and their choices. And we realize we have to call out for a meeting and to surround ourselves with real, live people that will help support us through the days that are hard.  

When my friend said "I can't believe I'm here again, how did I miss the signs?"  it got me thinking about my own walk with recovery and Cliff.  Have I been lulled into a complacent place in life that I would miss the signs of returned drug activity?  Would I live in the pig pen named denial again before I would acknowledge the action?  

So, that led me to search out a meeting for me.  In all the years I've been working this out, I have always gone to Al-Anon or Celebrate Recovery meetings.  I had never visited a Nar-Anon group though I thought about it many times.  These meetings certainly fit the profile of my life much more than Al-Anon, but they aren't as readily available as Al-Anon.  Or at least they weren't 10 years ago.  Nar-Anon is becoming a bigger group now and I was happy to find one less than 5 miles from my house.  I went last night and was glad I did.  The group size was larger than anticipated since many of the "family" meetings can be quite small.  Others were new last night, too.  One young woman had never attended a support group at all.  As I listened to each person around the table, I realized how thankful I am to God for the Steps and the program I have worked. I could recall with some who were still in such grave pain what confusion and pain that place was, and  connect with others like me who have found their balance in life and were able to share without hurting. Too much. 

How easily we can be roped into a different line of thinking if we're not careful.  Many who live in addiction/alcoholic lifestyles love to place blame on anyone else but themselves.  And so as a reminder to the newbies and myself, I mentioned the 3C's of recovery. The 3C's can help and if you need to do this daily, say the following out loud. Write it on your bathroom mirror or post it on your desk at work.  "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it". And then say it again until you believe it and know that it's true.  

It looks like I'll be dropping in on this meeting regularly, I do believe. It felt good to be in a different place spiritually, emotionally and mentally and hopefully I will bring hope to those around me, if they need it. 

Happy New Year, 2010!

A new day, a new year, a new decade! Yay!

This weekend will be a great one as I put away my Christmas decorations and remove some of the "extras" (code word, clutter) around the house. I've always battled the what to keep mentality. So, if I were to have any New Year resolution it is to begin to rid myself of things that simply aren't being used anymore. I intend to stop hinging huge memories onto items that don't hold them. My memories are mine and no one thing can keep them or take them away from me.

Yesterday, I de-cluttered my work space and it felt so good. I've been there 4 years now, and inherited a lot of stuff. My work space has some areas around it that are for the general population in our office. My desk is an angled corner desk monstrosity that was hand-built by someone long before my employ; he put a ton of labor into it, really, constructed of heavy oak and is probably the safest and sturdiest structure in the whole building. It's set up in such a way that there are a ton of cubbies for different forms and so on; when someone needs a form for a fax, for instance, they hover over me to select the form they need from one of the cubbie holes. Before I came along, if there was a book or an item that the company wasn't sure they would use or not, it went up on one of the shelves. The printer for all the computers is also a residence in my structure and sits nearly at my elbow. Finally, knowing a new employee was about to join the ranks, I looked around at my space and said to my boss, I wanted to make some changes. He said, "Have at it. It's your space." Why did it take me nearly 4 years to call it my own? I'm not sure why I hang onto things or am reluctant to change things out when they're not mine, but I intend to change that now! After all, when I am an elderly senior citizen and have nowhere to go but to one of my sons, I'm sure they won't want me to bring much more than a box or two. I better get busy!

Preparing for the New Year brought me to reading my bible last night. I love the Word of God, especially in relation to recovery. What great promises and hope He gives us!

Here is one I particularly liked for today:

"Do not call to mind the former things,

Or ponder things of the past.

"Behold, I will do something new,

Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it?"

(Isaiah 43:18:19, The Message)

Putting aside the old and bringing in the new! Do not hang onto the past heartaches and mistakes Laura! What good will come of it? If I am hanging onto the past it's very possible I will miss the new thing He's putting right into my path!

Thankfully, we always get a new start. Each morning we get to try again. If we are truly working toward a healthy new goal, we get to restart as often as we need too!

Happy New Year ~ It's in our grasp if we so choose!

Happy New Year, 2009!

What a difference a year makes. Who'da thunk that I'd be celebrating this past Christmas and New Year with a clean and sober son, without even a hint of a shadow of needles? Who'da thunk that Cliff would be attending meetings and working steps day after day?

Last night as I headed up to bed, Cliff once more, wished me a Happy New Year. Following that was a "thank you, Mom, for everything and letting me come back home. I know I said it before but I'm so grateful to be here."

Today my heart is filled to the brim with gratefulness.

What a way to close out 2008 and begin 2009. I couldn't ask for anything more.