So this is Christmas.....

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun"

Each year the strains of this tune by the legendary John Lennon gain strength and echo out this famous question through the festivities of the season.  Dare I say that I'm not a huge John Lennon fan (gasp!) but I sing along with my generation whenever this song is playing. 

This season of the year which is a joyous celebration for so many, especially if you are a Believer of Jesus, is also a season of anguish for just as many at the very same time. "And what have you done?" echoes through my mind like a tolling bell reminding me of some things that have simply never changed. 

Oh, I spent years kicking it around and played out scenes over and over of what would be different if only I had made a different decision, but as you know if you're in recovery, that scenario is a dead-end street. Sometimes the residue of stinkin-thinkin creeps into a fairly routine life now, just to shake things up a bit if I'm not on my toes and wearing my shoes of awareness. It's easy to play the same record of regret over and over if this year isn't any different than last.  Perhaps you don't know where your addict is but repeatedly you set a plate for him at the dinner table just in case he arrives on your doorstep. You don't notice the others rolling their eyes when he shows up, or you choose not to notice because you think for a moment, the fatted calf has come home.   Maybe you don't leave the house because, you know, you don't want her to walk into an empty home on Christmas. When and if she does walk in, the turmoil wafts in with her, just like the cloud that surrounds Pig-Pen wherever he goes, but you choose not to see.

"So, what have you done?" Are you in the same boat as you were last Christmas and the year before that and the year before that? Oh, I surely hope not!

Addiction and alcoholism are no respecter of seasonal calendars and today someone's phone will ring with the news that their addict overdosed or their drunk blacked out and never regained consciousness.  Are you sitting in the dark with the Christmas tree on counting your blessings or bracing yourself for that phone call? Are you in a state of mourning year after year for what can't be changed?  Have you taken the steps this past year walking into wellness with others who will support you if your phone rings with tragic news? 

Perhaps your vision is blurry with one bad decision after another. But here's the good news - Jesus was born for this situation.  Yes, contrary to what many would say, Jesus came back for the sick, not the righteous.  He came to redeem the wretched man or woman, not the one who toes the line, believing they don't need a Savior while looking down at the others.  Jesus also came to help you walk out of that chaos.

Possibly you have a relationship with Jesus but stumble through the debris of loving an addict.  You're most definitely not alone but you can trust that God doesn't want you to continue to choose someone else's life over your own well being and relationship with Him.  Jesus was born in a stable to reach even the most downcast soul and lead them in a different direction if only they choose to walk with Him.  You can choose for yourself, too.  If the one you love won't decide to live a clean and sober life that's up to them but you can decide differently for yourself and be set free! The choices they make have nothing to do with your heart of celebration today or any day.

Remember the father of the Prodigal Son?  He didn't run around town asking people to keep an eye on his son who was determined to go his own way and purposely live against the Jewish laws he was raised to respect.  He didn't try to circumvent the problems at all.  No, he just merely kept an eye out for his return and when he came home a changed man, the father welcomed him home with joy!

I pray that if you celebrate Christmas today, that you will find joy in the midst of those you are with, and if you are alone today, don't look for reasons to feel sorry about it.  Watch a movie you've been wanting to see, read a book that's waiting to be opened.  Play the music you love at the highest volume you can handle.  Take a walk, make something you like to eat, but just be sure to find some joy in your day and a reason to be thankful.  Watch the Grinch or It's a Wonderful Life and see if you can relate to the ending!

Christmas isn't about romance, food comas or gifts galore. It's about God's love for you.  Find it - believe it and walk in it.  I promise - you WILL find joy.

Merry Christmas!   

Christmas Peace

It took me completely by surprise at our Christmas family gathering. My sister-in-love has a pretty purple tree covered with lots of beautiful little ornamental fairies, butterflies and other mini-sized trinkets. Earlier I had noticed a few small picture frame ornaments with photos of SIL's mom and dad who have passed away. Later in the day, I sort of heard my sister speaking to me as I was looking all around the tree again, sort of lost in my own world.  Suddenly her voice came into my listening space and she said  "that must have been at A & K's wedding. Doesn't she look great?"   My gaze zeroed in on what my sister was referring too, and I realized it was a picture of our mom smiling beautifully wearing a lovely red dress. My breath was taken away and I kept saying to my sister, "wait, is that our mom?? That's mom!?!"  Then I dissolved into a quiet sob.  In a low voice I said to my sister that I've been missing Mom so much this past year.  And since that moment on Saturday, I've been in a very melancholy mood and weepy every time I think of Mom. And you know what?  It's okay and it's not taking anything away from this Christmas holiday. 

I'm so thankful that I didn't grow up in an environment that focused on dates, memories or situations that came along with pain and hence forth believed that forever after that date was ruined or tarnished.  I believe that's probably what let me spend many a holiday without my sons when they were younger, without Cliff when he was in his addiction, or without the presence of any of those I loved. 

I was reading a post today written by Alissa Parker. The Parker's are one of the families that lost their beautiful first grader in last year's Sandy Hook tragedy.  How they've handled their pain and grief is enlightening and healthy.  As codependents or enablers, we've often stuffed our feelings in an effort to get everyone onto the same page or we've given our best effort to make everything appear as if nothing's missing or wrong.  How refreshing it is to be able to shed a few tears for a few minutes and then move on. And sometimes they are shed again and then you move on again.  It's not a lock down of grief but a process of moving through hurt or pain.  It's living life that is filled with all kinds of emotions and events and we need to give ourselves the gift of balance.  Mourning and dancing truly can be done in the same memory!! 

Don't cling to your hurts.  Embrace the joy and face the grief head on.  It's not a battle you're in. These are allowable feelings and healing is sure to follow.  No one or nothing can ruin your holiday unless you give them permission to do so.  My sons addiction had nothing to do with the birth of God's only son, Jesus. Shed a tear if necessary and then look for the Light of Life as you take the next right step. Practice the Steps you've learned.  May the truth of Christmas be welcomed into your thinking as you take care of yourself in the days ahead. 

Peace. 

The Christmas Ghosts

Ebenezer Scrooge wasn't the only one that had no peace and was visited by ghosts through his hours of restless slumber. Those ghosts can be so active as they try to infiltrate the most lovely of days even when we're awake!   I often find myself alone through these days except for a few brief moments of breaking bread here and there with others, but the hours go slowly when you are by yourself through what appears to be the most wonderful time of the year.  


Yesterday evening I went to a Christmas Eve service where I attend church and as usually happens it brings peace to my soul and new vision to my sight of what Christmas is truly all about. And that's a good, good thing since the chaos of a life partnered with addicts can and will try to blur the truth if you're naively unaware. 

The Ghost of Christmas Past tries to enter into the present on a regular basis.  Flashing pictures before me of somber, sad days when the addict I loved was M.I.A. or incarcerated for yet another year, the ghost tries to rob me of today's love, peace and joy that's rooted down deep in my soul. He throws dirt on my soul in an effort to cover up the truth and tries desperately to turn my feelings into a tumultuous throwback of days gone by.  Ha!  That ghost doesn't know he's coming up against an arsenal of Biblical truths and 12 Step practices that have woven themselves in and through my mind, heart and soul and will come up against any lies or deceit of the past trying to make this day miserable.  Instead, with every fiery dart the ghost tries to shoot my way the Truth comes up to intercept and redirect that dart away from me and quickly floods my thoughts with accurate words that quell my fears and sadness. The Spirit of Truth says to me through His Word: "For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light"  (Psalm 56:13)

Life-giving Light!! Take that, Marley!  

The Ghost of Christmas Present is really waging war with the Spirit of The Lord who is keeping my eyes and thoughts where they belong.  He reminds me in Philippians with these words:  "So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision - you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it." (Phil 3:15-16)

Oh, I could go on and on about the Scriptures in Philippians as they are a firm foundation to my faith walk and keeping me healthy along with the truths of Al-anon encouraging me to stay focused on NOW.  Not going back to rehash what's already passed and not going forward and fixating on an event or scenario that hasn't happened yet, but to just be here. Right here, right now. Don't you see how they fit hand in hand? It has turned MY thinking inside out and let my Creator whisper truth, guidance and direction in the way that He says I should go or when He says I should be still.  Those are hard lessons learned at times, but the most valuable lessons I've ever experienced.   

The Ghost of Christmas Future is no ghost to me. Not anymore. I've learned to not run ahead of myself and create angst where there doesn't need to be any. I am not going to try to outsmart my addict, or any other person in my life so I can prepare as to how I will react, do or not do the thing that hasn't even happened yet. God's word is rich with promises of leading me into the future in His loving care. Wow...what a lot of time spent unnecessarily in days gone by.  I'm so thankful to be out of the faux rat-race I was in!  Ugh! 

My Creator says: 

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand new."   (Isaiah 43:18 (MSG) 

Step Three says, and I go to this step often in my meditation, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understood Him".  That step is part of the 12 Steps of AA which began in August 1938 and became equally important to Al-Anon in it's beginnings in 1951. 

Make today count in the best way you can focusing on this one important truth. You are loved today whether in a crowd of people or sitting alone in a dark place.  Let the Light of Life shine in your heart and chase those ghosts away whether it be past, present or future. Your Creator desires to do something magnificent in your life!! Step back and let Him in!

Merry Christmas, my friends! 

Water, where are you?

Water. I've never longed for water so much in my life as I have this year. We are in such a state of heat and drought in the Midwest that water has become a coveted commodity.

Food. Have you ever been hungry? Not a noon-time starving sort of thing, but really hungry? Not knowing where or when you might get your next meal? I thought at times I've had it tough, but I never had to go without life's basic necessities.

One of the activities I've become involved with in the last year is working with a ministry in Detroit which serves the homeless a meal.  One Saturday each month our church takes a turn to put out a little meal for whomever lives under the viaducts, in the abandoned houses or curled up in a park nearby. I must confess that today I was considering finagling my way out of it. I was thinking of a million excuses simply because it is so hot out, I just didn't want to leave my comfortable house and face the heat.  Thankfully after a hustle-bustle kind of morning and hearing from others who were traveling with me, I began to get a bit motivated for the afternoon and today 7 of us went to show some love.

I was surprised when we approached the park.  Many men were already lined up to go through the clothing line and ultimately come through the chow line. Being that this is a ministry that is done right on the sidewalks we mostly see men as the women and children may find shelter elsewhere.  In this heat, 98 degrees in the shade, I was surprised to see anyone outside, but then again, where would they go? There are some cooling shelters here and there, but most aren't wanting to leave their community or their living locations. They're concerned that someone else may claim their piece of land.  

The time goes quickly and we are busy every minute. Young to old today went with me to serve, from 20 years old to seniors in their seventies. Nice!  All the while I kept thinking about what I could be grateful for on a day like this.  Well, for one thing, there was a little cool breeze under the trees where we set up.  We also had some super nice people coming through the line and it isn't always that way.  I was also grateful that I knew in my heart this discomfort was momentary.  In a few hours we would be driving 30 miles back in air-conditioned cars, going to air-conditioned homes and having a place where a nice shower could be had.  I used to take on every one's struggles and wonder and worry about them all the time. But God said that isn't my job.   The 12 steps has helped me learn a very tough thing ~ not to feel sorry for those we help.  No one needs my sympathies, they just need my helping hand. Great peace comes by doing what I can, when I can and where I can.  The rest takes care of itself. 

Ninety minutes later it was time to close up. The food was consumed, the watermelon was gone and soon the beverage bucket held nothing but ice cubes which we offered out as well. Not a drop of water could be found, but a good time was had by all.

11th Step:  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. 

11th Promise: We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

Life is good.