Coronavirus Challenge

Raise your hand if you're staying home tonight!

The Coronavirus has taken center stage all over the world and has put a stop to most patterns of living as we know it.  Now, being instructed to stay home doesn't necessarily have an impact those with family who are caught in addiction.  Many families have isolated as a way of life for far too long and just when you began to take some steps out of the box, you're being told to get back in.

What can you do for yourself to keep from wringing your hands over those things that you can't control like an active addict or alcoholic, or the big germ out there?

First, take a walk. Every day, rain or shine.  You can do that with a neighbor or your dog or yourself and by the simple fact of taking in fresh air and letting out stale air,  your lungs will begin to gain a little relief and you will gain peace of mind.  If necessary, listen to music while you walk to get your mind off of those destructive self-conversations. Music and walking is a great combination to catapult your emotions into a healthier, more energetic place!

Secondly, do you have to go to the store?  Are you writhing in the dilemma of what to do and what is available for purchase?  The good news is you have options.  Many stores offer shopping on line and having your groceries delivered or you can pickup where they will load your groceries.  If you're flexible you'll get most of what you're needing to get by until another day.  Bread has been a little scarce, yet I stopped at a local grocery last night and they had some bread on the racks.  Not what I typically buy, but it was good and edible bread. I'll take it! Perhaps you and a neighbor can arrange a joint shopping trip and share what you each need until the panic dies down.  Sharing is always better!  Remember in most circles, if we are following the guidelines set by the CDC, you and your neighbor should be safe from contracting the virus.

Third, find a friend or two and play some games or watch a movie together.  Again, if everyone is healthy and you've sprayed your handles, faucets, doorways and anything else that requires a quick disinfectant you can enjoy a good old classic movie or something new on your Netflix.  Make it work for you!

If you're really nervous about being face to face with anyone, use your phone to check in on those who are elderly, alone a lot or who you can share a laugh with.  The art of communication and conversation has been whisked out of our culture, sad to say, and this is a great way to "reach out and touch someone" as this AT&T commercial used to say!

Now, it's been a troubling season, truth be told.  I'm glad that I've learned through the years not to connect any of life's happenings with my circle of life.  One day at a time. Just one.  The current state of affairs are very frustrating for most of us.  But you've just been given the gift of time and you have a choice in how you're going to use this gift. 

Is your family on the go too much? Do you have demanding work and activity schedules that are ruining your family time lately? You have a myriad of choices to consider on how to spend quality time together.  Does anyone play Charades anymore? 

Or maybe you are on the go too much.  Perhaps some unfinished projects await. Cleaning out the basement or garage is an excellent time filler.  How about reading through some of the books you have stacked next to your chair? And, if you're alone most of the time already make sure you are reaching out to the world around you in some small way.  Lift your spirits and spread some joy! You'll get so much more back than you would have ever believed. 

Finally, we can find a blessing in absolutely everything that comes our way if we are willing.  Now, go wash your hands and bless someone!

The Letter

She would be 43 years old today.  I've often wondered if she would have red curly hair like me or straight brown hair like her father. What would she have been like as an older sister of two younger brothers? Would we have had a close relationship?  I dreamed it would be so. 

That entire pregnancy was out of order. From the very beginning nothing seemed to be typical but then again, what is typical from one pregnancy to the next? I was quite ill and ended up in the hospital for nearly a week as I couldn't keep food or water down at all. Nothing. The medical term used was Hyperemesis gravidarum.  Snazzy, eh? It just means excessive vomiting and dehydration, but I like their name better. It seemed to validate how sick I really was. 

I barely gained any weight with this wee one but considering how little food I kept down that wasn't surprising.  Finally, as the months ticked by the sickness sort of settled down, but not entirely.  Into the 7th month the shower invitations had just been sent out and my anticipation grew.  I felt reserved a lot as I'd heard other moms discuss their pregnancy and knew that I wasn't experiencing most of the things they mentioned,   and at my next appointment due to some concerns my doctor had,  I was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound as that's the only place they were done. In fact, there was only one hospital in the whole Detroit area that performed the ultrasound.  This procedure was brand, spanking new! For several hours the staff took dozens and dozens of pictures while my mom waited for me. Eventually the head of the department came in and said they were having trouble getting the kind of picture results they hoped for and thought it might be the machine so they moved me to another table in another room for even more pictures.  My back was aching but I decided it was just from laying so long on cold tables as they continually pressed and nudged my tummy while trying to get something better in each picture than the one before.  Shortly afterward, when I was home that afternoon, my doctor called and said I needed to come in for an X-ray ASAP. My personal radar suddenly launched into an alerted feeling. An X-ray on a pregnant woman? We agreed I would be in his office first thing in the morning but throughout the evening I struggled to sleep and was up and down with discomfort, mostly in my back. 

Early the next morning before the world was waking up, my water broke. And I mean broke like a fire-hydrant that had just been opened up for the kids to play in on the streets of Detroit. When I stood up, I knew something was very wrong. We made the call to the Doctor and hurried to the hospital which was about a 20 minute drive from home.  The nurse sedated me when we got to the hospital, but delivery was happening so quickly I could hear everything the medical team was saying. Soon I delivered a still-born baby girl with Anencephaly and a few other deformities that can accompany neural tube defects. In an instant our dreams were dashed! I felt my doctor take my hand and rub my arm trying to speak to me, but when I didn't respond he asked out loud if the baby had been baptized and would someone go get the father.  I wanted to shout out to him, but couldn't utter a sound or make a move. What just happened?? What does all of this mean? 

I thought a lot about that day in 1977 as a young co-worker celebrated her 38th birthday today.  I rushed home from work to look for a letter my father wrote and brought to me in the hospital which I read late that night alone. It's the most special letter I've ever received and at times through the years I've pulled it out to read it again when I need to strengthen my resolve.  Had I read it with wisdom when I received it, I possibly would have avoided other years of struggle in my life, but I was still foolish in so many ways for a long time. 

I want to share parts of this most personal letter with you in the hopes that you will find some words here that can apply to any difficult situation you've encountered or are now going through.  

"First, do not love your grief.  Grieve, but endure and grow from it." Wise, eh? We all know someone that has never moved past a grievous event in their lives. "For some reason God has determined you should not have a child at this time. Accept this fact; do not question for that leads to self-doubt and self-pity."  

Loaded with wisdom. 

"Consider your goals in life. Your loss will certainly cause you to examine your life-style and ambitions. You will be different because of this event but you must go on.  Do not be bitter for that is self-pity and not a reflection of maturity. Try to determine what abilities you have and develop them to serve yourselves and others. Be humble, not humiliated and try to do good without boasting about it."  

Deep, guiding wisdom. 

And lastly Dad said, "I know it is hard to see right now, but by serving we are served."  

Is there somewhere in your life you can put this wise and true statement into practice? It really can change your life perspective and give you just a moment of relief as your focus changes from inward to outward. You will be richly rewarded with peace. I am blessed beyond measure to have this profound love note in my father's handwriting still with me to this day. This letter has impacted my life and more so as I have grown older, and hopefully wiser. 

As they say in recovery, take what you need and leave the rest. This letter may have no bearing on the situation you are in right now, but if you look hard enough, this letter will have great bearing on your own life today and in the days ahead if you so choose.  

Happy Birthday, sweet baby of mine. I can't wait till the day I can cup your beautiful, perfect, healthy face in my hands and tell you how much I've loved you all these years.  

Water, where are you?

Water. I've never longed for water so much in my life as I have this year. We are in such a state of heat and drought in the Midwest that water has become a coveted commodity.

Food. Have you ever been hungry? Not a noon-time starving sort of thing, but really hungry? Not knowing where or when you might get your next meal? I thought at times I've had it tough, but I never had to go without life's basic necessities.

One of the activities I've become involved with in the last year is working with a ministry in Detroit which serves the homeless a meal.  One Saturday each month our church takes a turn to put out a little meal for whomever lives under the viaducts, in the abandoned houses or curled up in a park nearby. I must confess that today I was considering finagling my way out of it. I was thinking of a million excuses simply because it is so hot out, I just didn't want to leave my comfortable house and face the heat.  Thankfully after a hustle-bustle kind of morning and hearing from others who were traveling with me, I began to get a bit motivated for the afternoon and today 7 of us went to show some love.

I was surprised when we approached the park.  Many men were already lined up to go through the clothing line and ultimately come through the chow line. Being that this is a ministry that is done right on the sidewalks we mostly see men as the women and children may find shelter elsewhere.  In this heat, 98 degrees in the shade, I was surprised to see anyone outside, but then again, where would they go? There are some cooling shelters here and there, but most aren't wanting to leave their community or their living locations. They're concerned that someone else may claim their piece of land.  

The time goes quickly and we are busy every minute. Young to old today went with me to serve, from 20 years old to seniors in their seventies. Nice!  All the while I kept thinking about what I could be grateful for on a day like this.  Well, for one thing, there was a little cool breeze under the trees where we set up.  We also had some super nice people coming through the line and it isn't always that way.  I was also grateful that I knew in my heart this discomfort was momentary.  In a few hours we would be driving 30 miles back in air-conditioned cars, going to air-conditioned homes and having a place where a nice shower could be had.  I used to take on every one's struggles and wonder and worry about them all the time. But God said that isn't my job.   The 12 steps has helped me learn a very tough thing ~ not to feel sorry for those we help.  No one needs my sympathies, they just need my helping hand. Great peace comes by doing what I can, when I can and where I can.  The rest takes care of itself. 

Ninety minutes later it was time to close up. The food was consumed, the watermelon was gone and soon the beverage bucket held nothing but ice cubes which we offered out as well. Not a drop of water could be found, but a good time was had by all.

11th Step:  Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out. 

11th Promise: We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

Life is good. 

The Gift of Hospitality

Too many days have passed for me to catch you up to date, so I begin from today.

Day after day the news becomes more dreadful locally, nationally, and globally. Oft times, we are left scratching our heads and muttering upward, shaking our fist at God asking, "what gives?"

Sickness, death, murder and the like are fronting our days. The media blasts us 24 hours a day with all the ills of the world, whether self induced or merely by living in an imperfect world. Now and again though, you know of someone who shows a kindness or offers a hand. Being part of an active church that believes in reaching out to our neighbors, I am privileged to see God's people hard at work in practical ways to meet the needs of others near and far.

My big sister Nancy lives north of me about 4 hours away. She and her husband Jim have done well. Lots of hard work and discipline have afforded them to live in a breathtaking part of the state. The view out their windows everyday is onto a beautiful body of water with all the natural parts of life that accompany such surroundings. They balance work and travel and manage to fit in plenty of other activities too. Nancy and Jim volunteer at functions in their community but mostly what I've noticed is the open door policy they have for visitors. And, it seems, they have visitors quite often.

This week they are hosting some relatives of Jim's whose daughter and son-in-law also live in this "Shangri-La" area. Ann, the daughter, is in her very last days of life. She is dying from colon cancer and will be departing this life long before anyone is ready for her to go. She's young by our standards of living. Her husband Dave has been a faithful and tending husband to her needs but the ravages of disease are winning now. So, as is necessary, Ann's parents are traveling north whenever possible to see their daughter in her last few days of life. By choice, Ann secluded herself through this battle and when it came down to the real nitty- gritty, she adamantly pushed everyone away except for Dave. Now, while she may have more fight left, she has no energy to act on it. At last her parents can come close and hug their daughter before she leaves.

Nancy and Jim's home is opened to Ann's parents to allow them to be nearby and yet have a place to grieve in quietness and tranquility. In a few more weeks, their home will be an inn of sorts as Ann's entire family will travel north to honor her memory.

My cousin Chris is married to Jodie, who is an angel of mercy. In my eyes, Jodie is amazing; a tireless worker, mother of three, and a loving daughter-in-law. My aunt and uncle are in their declining years living under the shadow of cancers, Alzheimer's and just plain fatigue. Jodie picks up their laundry several times a week and returns it to them so they don't have to go up and down the stairs where their machines are. She often takes several meals in hopes they will just heat them up and eat. This list could go on and on, but mostly what amazes me about Jodie is that she is employed outside the home and that one of her own sons has a rare disease that requires a lot of extra attention, just because. There are doctors to be seen fairly often along with the fact that Josh can't be left alone. This family of 5 really sticks together in many ways and Josh is loved much.

Both Nancy and Jodie, along with their husbands (because you really need to be supported to do this well), remind me of the verse in 1 Peter which says, "Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything. Be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless—cheerfully." (The Message)

If there's anything that can be taken to my recovery in this post, it would be that when serving others the focus moves off me, my and I, and onto them. It gives a moment of focus elsewhere and reminds me that maybe my day wasn't so bad or my issues aren't so grand, or perhaps aren't issues at all if I just let life be.

So in the midst of the bah-humbug mindset of life, I applaud Nancy and Jodie as ministers of light to some really dark corners in this world.

Hugs.