Showing posts with label defects. Show all posts
Showing posts with label defects. Show all posts

LEFTOVERS!



What goes through your mind when you hear the word Leftovers? Yay or Nay?

Leftovers were a main staple in our household which was bursting at the seams through most of my childhood. Restaurant visits were a rarity and fast food was just coming over the horizon when I was in high school.

Leftovers can be a wonderful taste of what you enjoyed a day or two before, or it can stick in your mouth like prison mush if you didn't like it in the first place! Spaghetti, for instance, is always better the 2nd day around in my humble opinion but some may not agree at all with my standard of taste. As families have reduced in size or for the person flying solo, folks are learning to either prepare just enough for one meal (a great accomplishment in my book) or opt for dining out.  Times have surely changed!

What brings this topic to mind for me is that as I examine myself often through life (Step 4: We made a searching fearless moral inventory of our lives) and come upon some distasteful behaviors (Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character) I find that even still I am battling some ingrained reactions or impulses that aren't pleasing or attractive to be around.

As a red-headed girl I viewed myself as just being direct and feisty in my communications and responses. In fact, impulsiveness I mistook as fun and impromptu but one of these words is not like the other. Not that these characteristics are bad in themselves, but usually my reactions were exhibited when I was riled or upset about something and it would rear its ugly head in anger instead of direct communication being clear and reasonable. In other words, it wasn't necessarily the message but the delivery that was the big problem.  When people respond in such a way, their message isn't heard at all. Their behavior is what catches attention.

I'm sorry to say that I still struggle with this character defect. In the world of ugliness that we live in now, I could fit right into certain circles. But in the gang I hang with, this just isn't a good quality! I strive daily to be more like Jesus in all aspects of my life but severely miss the mark time and again. I'm very aware that God is merciful and chooses to forgive me for these crazy, unplanned outbursts or reactions but He also desires a change in me to look more like the person I claim to be and to be more like the Person I claim to be connected with.

I'm thankful all the more for this taking an inventory and asking God to remove these character defects. The beauty of the 12 Steps is that,  like faith, we aren't asked to be perfect nor will we know what we're to work on all at one time. We will never see the complete list of defects we have fighting for position in our world - the veil is lifted inch by inch to expose the next item on our list of defects. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming and seem impossible.

Those leftovers still hanging on from my childhood need to be clipped and matured immediately but I'm not entirely convinced that all of these characteristics will be removed. Sometimes a little bit is left behind so we never forget that we are powerless over this thing and need Him to help us day by day. Not in my own strength but His.





Patterns of Co-Dependency

Sitting in meetings and listening to speakers who've had a true transformation from the life of alcohol, drugs and other bondage type lifestyles causes me to continually take a look at the patterns in my own life. Sometimes the reality of my choices stops me short. I mean, I didn't use a substance to fill my need or kill my pain. I used myself and let others use me too.

Codependency is one sick character defect. Either you're drinking or swallowing pills or you're not. Either you're snorting, shooting or smoking or you're not. I am not simplifying the battle users have but with codependents it's not always so crystal clear. Every thought, action and decision is suspect for the unhealthy codependent. Behaviorally, our tendencies toward our character defects are often rewarded, thereby not being recognized or called out as harmful. Then suddenly these behaviors or the pattern of such sick thinking reveals itself in patterns and life results that are far reaching and long lasting.

I see and read about so many others who've overcome huge obstacles in their diseases and have also gone on in their personal and professional lives to reach great success. Now, I'm getting it and feel like I can't catch my breath for the race I'm in against the clock of age and time. But I know that this thought is also of my *sickness* too.

The patterns of codependency listed on the CoDA website is rather descriptive and I almost see the list printed with my face being used as the background. Not as a victim or poor me feeling but as an awakening and an amazement in knowing that I've been carrying around these crippling patterns for so long!

Thankfully, in the past 12 months God has brought absolutely amazing people into my life and I am surrounded with those who believe in and encourage me to move forward in my dreams and my recovery. I've been brought to the realization of who has caused the most struggle in my life; who's kept me from achieving my dreams and goals and who's choice it is to change my life's direction for the balance of my days. I've been given the life changing keys.

*We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. We humbly asked Him to remove all our shortcomings.*

*All Pics Googled*