LEFTOVERS!

What goes through your mind when you hear the word Leftovers? Yay or Nay?

Leftovers were a main staple in our household which was bursting at the seams through most of my childhood. Restaurant visits were a rarity and fast food was just coming over the horizon when I was in high school.

Leftovers can be a wonderful taste of what you enjoyed a day or two before, or it can stick in your mouth like prison mush if you didn't like it in the first place! Spaghetti, for instance, is always better the 2nd day around in my humble opinion but some may not agree at all with my standard of taste. As families have reduced in size or for the person flying solo, folks are learning to either prepare just enough for one meal (a great accomplishment in my book) or opt for dining out.  Times have surely changed!

What brings this topic to mind for me is that as I examine myself often through life (Step 4: We made a searching fearless moral inventory of our lives) and come upon some distasteful behaviors (Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character) I find that even still I am battling some ingrained reactions or impulses that aren't pleasing or attractive to be around.

As a red-headed girl I viewed myself as just being direct and feisty in my communications and responses. In fact, impulsiveness I mistook as fun and impromptu but one of these words is not like the other. Not that these characteristics are bad in themselves, but usually my reactions were exhibited when I was riled or upset about something and it would rear its ugly head in anger instead of direct communication being clear and reasonable. In other words, it wasn't necessarily the message but the delivery that was the big problem.  When people respond in such a way, their message isn't heard at all. Their behavior is what catches attention.

I'm sorry to say that I still struggle with this character defect. In the world of ugliness that we live in now, I could fit right into certain circles. But in the gang I hang with, this just isn't a good quality! I strive daily to be more like Jesus in all aspects of my life but severely miss the mark time and again. I'm very aware that God is merciful and chooses to forgive me for these crazy, unplanned outbursts or reactions but He also desires a change in me to look more like the person I claim to be and to be more like the Person I claim to be connected with.

I'm thankful all the more for this taking an inventory and asking God to remove these character defects. The beauty of the 12 Steps is that,  like faith, we aren't asked to be perfect nor will we know what we're to work on all at one time. We will never see the complete list of defects we have fighting for position in our world - the veil is lifted inch by inch to expose the next item on our list of defects. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming and seem impossible.

Those leftovers still hanging on from my childhood need to be clipped and matured immediately but I'm not entirely convinced that all of these characteristics will be removed. Sometimes a little bit is left behind so we never forget that we are powerless over this thing and need Him to help us day by day. Not in my own strength but His.

Gratitude

This week I was knocked down with something icky. It felt like it was coming on for a week prior and then by Tuesday night I was really icky. Stuffy head, watery eyes, sneezing...blah, blah, blah. Wednesday wasn't much better and then Thursday was the worst. Dragging myself to work day after day didn't help but because we don't have a lenient sick day policy I continued to show up and infect everyone else. (Sick day policy = 5 days. 1 day = 4 hours. Go figure!) I think I used up my sick days by January 5th. :)

Anyway, Thursday I left work early because I was absolutely miserable. On the way home, I stopped at a Chinese joint near my house and picked up some spicy garlic dish and soup. When I got home I sucked the soup down fast and decided I wasn't too hungry. I couldn't taste a thing anyway so I sat in my favorite chair, pulled my chenille afghan up to my neck and was down for the count. All afternoon and into the evening I drifted in and out of sleep. Eventually, I woke up rather hungry and had some dinner and was into my 4th or 5th round of snooze when the phone rang.

My eyes lit up as I read that it was Lovely Espousa calling me! I answered the phone and we went into a terrific 45 minute chit chat that was pure gold to me. Nothing about the past, strictly in the day. In the midst, granddaughter wanted to talk on the phone. She's not quite two but kept saying "hi, hi" in the background so her mother handed her the phone.

Let me tell you, this mini-chick and I yakked like there was no tomorrow! Not one word was clear but it didn't matter. For 8 minutes this little thing spoke her language, and when I asked questions, she replied with words that sounded like she was from Babylon. It didn't matter one iota. We laughed together and finally she was done. Lovely Espousa said she and hubby were just watching her because mini-chick has never done this before. L.E. said "she was laying back on the couch and crossed her legs like she was talking to an old girlfriend."

She was.

I went to bed with a heart full of gratitude; the next day I felt so much better and my spirit was much lighter. I saw Lou at our evening meeting and she commented immediately at how much more "up" I looked. Then yesterday, toward the end of a long quiet day spent in my PJ's, Son #One called to see how I was!!

What's going on here??

Have I learned a huge lesson in leaving things in the hand of God when I have no control over them?? Maybe I was blocking the way when He tried to communicate with them....was I manipulating and didn't recognize it for what it was? I honestly don't know but I'm more aware of my actions going forward.

This inventory thing.....stinks. But I'm grateful for the results!!