LEFTOVERS!

What goes through your mind when you hear the word Leftovers? Yay or Nay?

Leftovers were a main staple in our household which was bursting at the seams through most of my childhood. Restaurant visits were a rarity and fast food was just coming over the horizon when I was in high school.

Leftovers can be a wonderful taste of what you enjoyed a day or two before, or it can stick in your mouth like prison mush if you didn't like it in the first place! Spaghetti, for instance, is always better the 2nd day around in my humble opinion but some may not agree at all with my standard of taste. As families have reduced in size or for the person flying solo, folks are learning to either prepare just enough for one meal (a great accomplishment in my book) or opt for dining out.  Times have surely changed!

What brings this topic to mind for me is that as I examine myself often through life (Step 4: We made a searching fearless moral inventory of our lives) and come upon some distasteful behaviors (Step 6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character) I find that even still I am battling some ingrained reactions or impulses that aren't pleasing or attractive to be around.

As a red-headed girl I viewed myself as just being direct and feisty in my communications and responses. In fact, impulsiveness I mistook as fun and impromptu but one of these words is not like the other. Not that these characteristics are bad in themselves, but usually my reactions were exhibited when I was riled or upset about something and it would rear its ugly head in anger instead of direct communication being clear and reasonable. In other words, it wasn't necessarily the message but the delivery that was the big problem.  When people respond in such a way, their message isn't heard at all. Their behavior is what catches attention.

I'm sorry to say that I still struggle with this character defect. In the world of ugliness that we live in now, I could fit right into certain circles. But in the gang I hang with, this just isn't a good quality! I strive daily to be more like Jesus in all aspects of my life but severely miss the mark time and again. I'm very aware that God is merciful and chooses to forgive me for these crazy, unplanned outbursts or reactions but He also desires a change in me to look more like the person I claim to be and to be more like the Person I claim to be connected with.

I'm thankful all the more for this taking an inventory and asking God to remove these character defects. The beauty of the 12 Steps is that,  like faith, we aren't asked to be perfect nor will we know what we're to work on all at one time. We will never see the complete list of defects we have fighting for position in our world - the veil is lifted inch by inch to expose the next item on our list of defects. Otherwise, it would be too overwhelming and seem impossible.

Those leftovers still hanging on from my childhood need to be clipped and matured immediately but I'm not entirely convinced that all of these characteristics will be removed. Sometimes a little bit is left behind so we never forget that we are powerless over this thing and need Him to help us day by day. Not in my own strength but His.

Her Name is "Violet"

The first time we met, she seemed a bit of a misfit. Not obtrusively different but something was not like the rest of us. It was euchre night and she hadn't played much, she announced loudly. All the while her hands shook and she just seemed ill at ease. The night continued on and as we moved from table to table, I didn't give her another thought. I don't remember how much time lapsed before I saw her again when she walked into my recovery meeting. A feeling of dread crept came over me. Why, oh why, I wondered do these meetings call in anyone who is looking for a place to fit in?

Week after week "Violet" (not her real name) would show up, mostly wearing shades of purple ~ her favorite color. Her stature is larger than most and because her voice is loud you cannot ignore her presence. Violet struggled to be attentive and always wanted to comment on another person's sharing. Mostly encouragement mind you, but disruptive and sometimes advice which is a BIG no-no in recovery. Fidgeting, writing, fumbling for her notebook and sometimes leaving a table and coming back with a different chair to sit in became her noted routine. Crying was Violet's constant reaction and emotion during her sharing time. Although the reason for coming should be to fix ourselves, hahaha, we newcomers at the co-dependency tables always begin talking about whom we're trying to fix, save, or re-connect with so crying happens often at our tables.

The months moved on and I began to notice that Violet was working her recovery more seriously than anyone that passed my way. Her childhood was pretty rough, and then she'd suffered abuses at the hands of men she chose to love her. Additionally she had a platter full of medical issues which manifested in ways provoking her disruptive behaviors and so on. We began to meet as sponsor/sponsee and work the steps together. At the same time she placed herself into faith based studies and worked hard to keep pace on those lessons as well. Slowly I learned more and more about Violet that was, you know, hard to grasp at times. She'd been hurt so many times over and her family was more dis-jointed than most I met. Back surgery was approaching and arrangements were made for all the details yet neither of her children showed up to transport her home as agreed. There she was stuck in the hospital and so the calls began! One by one, different women stepped up to the plate for meals, doctor appointments and just plain visiting.

Over time I began to see Violet as a gentle woman in so many ways ~ loving and encouraging to anyone she meets and has a delightful sense of humor, especially regarding herself! The tears are rare now and her grip on the reality of her relationships is spot on. Violet's dependency upon others has shifted onto God alone, right where it belongs. I've noticed that her demeanor has softened; she's less disruptive and fidgety. When Violet isn't with us she is sorely missed.

Recently, during a gratitude list, Violet shared the things she's grateful for and the first thing out of her mouth was being grateful for this group and the meal I brought her so many months ago. I felt a bit ashamed when I recalled my inward attitude toward Violet when we first met. Violet continued to say that for the first time in her life she feels like she belongs and that she has real friends. I've learned so much from Violet especially regarding my first inward responses due to quick assessments of people I don't really know. God, I need Your help on that character defect fast.

Gratitude comes in all forms, colors and faces.

Her name is "Violet"

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