Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog and to write to me specifically about your experience with your son. Your question of being able to let go and have peace, even if he was still using, is valid and is faced every day by parents like you and me.  You're right that it's a lot easier to face our struggles when the tornadoes stop and we begin to sift through the aftermath again. When the winds are roaring and we are in the midst of the storm, we can't hear anything or anyone else. That's when we really need our sisters and brothers in the program to help steady us and keep the blinders off our eyes.

Personally what I've learned along the way through the years of torment is that my life matters as much as Cliff's life does. I know the news media is rampant with the "all lives matter" lingo, but that statement applies to more than just a race issue.  It seemed for so many years I chased and questioned and longed for something or someone to fix, heal and save my son because his life mattered so much to me, I'd do anything; anything at all if I thought it would stop him.   But I never thought about my life mattering too, and have many horror stories as a result.  I never thought about my place in this world. I'm not sure I would be writing this blog if Cliff had never gone to prison as I don't have that kind of knowledge to know what I would have done but I do know that before he went to prison, the situations, tempers and risks were increasing to such a high level of insanity and intensity that I truly was at risk myself.  For what? I'm not sure, but I know that I wasn't capable of much but putting myself in harm's way for Cliff's life.  How unhealthy and toxic is that behavior? 

When our children become adults, we should be able to see them making some smart and wise decisions and choices.  Everything shouldn't be done in panic or chaos.  Every dime I make shouldn't be used to pay a debt I don't have. Our addicts are smart enough to find a way to get the drug or drink they want without our knowledge or help. Often we don't hear from them for weeks. Who is caring for them? Where are they getting their basic needs met?   When I finally began to "see the light" so to speak, it took a great deal of support from others who were in the same place in life.  Not just to cry on each others shoulders but to be accountable for making healthier decisions FOR ME.  This is not selfish, this is self-care.  It might just be a night of sleep that I should be getting, which meant shutting my phone off. It might have been a walk or dinner out with friends to laugh and focus on people living life to the fullest. It could be buying a new winter coat for yourself that you need instead of always putting clothes and shoes on the back of one who is still in addiction.  

When our addicts relapse after a period of sobriety, that is the time we need to work the program harder than ever before for ourselves. We can't work it for our addicts. They have to find their own way at this point. We can cheer them on, give them phone numbers to shelters, rehab programs or the like, but this is the time that  we must take care of ourselves, or we will both die. Maybe not physically, but in every other aspect of the world we live in.    How fair is that to your family, your grandchildren, your co-workers or your friends? How fair is that to you and your Creator? 

We slowly learn to love in detachment.  If our addicts are using, boundaries are necessary and must be used for our well being. Meet them at McDonalds to be sure they have eaten that day.  If you want to be sure they're warm, pickup up a coat, boots or a blanket at Salvation Army so you know they've got their basic needs met.  Will it completely take away your concerns or hurts? No, but you'll know you've done something to help and the rest is in their own choosing.  It's the hardest path a parent will walk because it doesn't make any sense to us. We may not get supported from family, friends or even our spouses.  Self-care is priority one and it's a new way for many of us. It may feel strange but it's absolutely right. 

Learning to let go and Let God, Trust God, Believe God in all you do will help you stop worrying and fretting. That solves nothing.  If your son wants to be well, he can take those same steps too. God will answer him when he is ready to listen. 

I'm praying for you and many others in the fight, Anonymous, as you find your way out of this chaos. Feel free to email me anytime. 

God Bless You and all others in this boat.  

Photo googled. 

The Art of Saying No

Happy Spring!

Recently, I was asked to put my words on paper regarding Enabling for Florida Beach Rehab.  The Art of Saying No was birthed. 

Here are the results for your reading pleasure:

http://www.floridabeachrehab.com/the-art-of-saying-no/

Be encouraged today!

Rest

I was wracked with grief last week. Not from any one thing in particular but a mounting sort of grief. This happens on occasion when I'm frustrated with the things I cannot change. This is the gut-wrenching hard part of recovery. This is the hard part of trusting God, my Higher Power, with everything, absolutely everything. I keep taking it back to "help a little bit" and suffering all the more.

So I gave it back to Him again and am putting into practice at long last, something that I preach. I'm making sure I find the time to spend with Him in the morning with readings from scripture and from my al-anon books. Over the years I've jumped into this routine and then let life sort of push me around and I forget just how much I need this practice. It truly allows me to go into the day in a much better frame of mind and keeps me from having misplaced struggles.

Yesterday, I had such a good day and it showed. Someone I work with told me I was "extra" bright looking and she attributed it to my haircut, but I knew where that little light was coming from. The peace that surpasses all understanding when I recognize just how powerless I am and ask Him to lead my life and know that I can rest in the palm of His hand.

Again.

*All Pics Googled*

Turn About

My employer is 10 years younger than I. He has a family that he is actively helping raise, is equally active in his church, volunteers constantly and manages a business well. When I was brought on staff a little over three years ago, I was taken back by the level of interaction he had with his team of 14. It was impressive that if the coffee needed to be made or there were empty cups left in the sink, Mr. Boss would make coffee and clean cups. Every birthday was honored with pie or ice cream for the crew, always served by Mr. Boss himself. It's something I hadn't seen in any of the places I've worked over the past 25 years. Through the trials and tribulations I've personally had in my life since my employ, Mr Boss took a vested interest and always offered support morally and sometimes financially too. I am not the only employee to be treated with such graciousness.

Now, week after week I see Mr. Boss coming to work looking rather haggard at times. Sleepless eyes and weakening limbs. He's plagued by a back that more than twinges and during this stressful time of businesses going down, the back was uncooperative. Week after week my stomach's been in knots at the end of the day, wondering if tomorrow the ax will fall.

This past Thursday I was called in for the meeting I've been anticipating. I was almost giddy as we went to the conference room just for the fact of KNOWING what the plan was for me even if it wasn't what I hoped for. I didn't want to be unemployed but at least when you know what's coming your mind set can move in another direction.

As we sat down, we chit-chatted for a minute and I asked Mr. Boss how he was doing. He stated that it's been the hardest time in his life as a business owner. I told him I've been praying for him and our company for months during these trying times. Then, not surprisingly, Mr. Boss said "Unfortunately, things aren't good and we can't continue to operate in the manner we have been and stay in business. Sales aren't going out and receivables aren't coming in. It's economically impossible to continue to operate the way we have been and remain a company." I knew this. Then, surprisingly, Mr. Boss said, "I want you to think about something. As far as the office is concerned, I am going to lay you off, but not lay you off." Huh? What a turn about!

He continued to say, I would be removed from the element in which I work and set up in another room in the building to strictly focus on accounts that haven't been pursued via our database, our ignored house accounts and working on an industry list to generate some sales. Additionally, Mr. Boss said that our company has been considering adding an additional product line of steel and perhaps I would exclusively manage those sales as a separate entity of our company. Go ahead and think about it, he offered. Two seconds went by and I said yes.

I was honored that Mr. Boss felt strongly enough about keeping me on the payroll as an asset to this company and created a place for me. Overwhelmed with thankfulness, really. In the mix of time I was also able to negotiate a little different start/end work day too, which makes my life a bit easier for my evening obligations. We both seemed satisfied when we left our meeting. I thanked him for giving me this opportunity and Mr. Boss said, "see, maybe your prayers are being answered."

I drove home in conversation with God and thanked Him too, for the trust that has been given to me and prayed that this transition, which will be in about three weeks, will go as Mr. Boss has imagined it would with sales numbers improving. They may be slow at first, I reasoned, but asked God that something would be generated in a quick enough time frame so Mr. Boss can breathe a little bit easier and know that he made the right decision in keeping me on in this capacity.

The next evening another shop employee was laid off.

I'm grateful for the fact that I now know I'm powerless but also am assured that I'm in the palm of the One who has His eye on my every breath. I love it even more that this assurance isn't exclusively mine. You can know this too.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand."

Phil. 4:6a

*All pics googled*

Sought Through Prayer and Meditation....

Prayer and meditation is a minute by minute thing for me. Yes, there are times I sit down and exclude all other sounds, sights, and noise for a more intimate reading and setting. But there are days where my every thought and word is to God and God alone. While I'm driving in the car, He hears my prayer and thoughts toward Him. Sometimes they're full of thankfulness and praise. Sometimes they're loaded with anguish and asking for His peace to help me remain steadfastly in His love.

Steadfast in my faith is something I am always working on. When life is overwhelming for me, I often turn to sugar in a most unhealthy consumption. In the past it would be staying in a relationship that was so unhealthy for me but it seemed better than nothing. All I know is I've been in a chaotic lifestyle with many detrimental responses for the majority of my adult life. Only when I seek God through prayer and meditation and improving my conscious contact with God will I learn His will for my life and be able to grasp the power He gives to carry it out.

Steadfast. Firm. Resolute. Unfaltering. Unshakable. Unwavering. Unswerving.



May it be with me and with you.

Where's My Cape?

How come I forget this? Why have I gone all these years on my own strength? Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

When I realize that I am not even remotely alone in handling life, I become so much happier and positive and believing for the results that are promised to me.

I try to start my day in the promises that God gives. But sometimes, the old life, the enemy, the evil one, whatever you want to call it, tries to take away my joy by dragging the old past into my thoughts. The adversary would like to see me rolling around in the slop crying out, "woe is me" loudly for all to hear. God says to not look ahead or behind because today has enough worries of it's own. If those old problems or new worries are going to come at me, I will stay in the present and deal with it in God power.

So my new thought, my new planted promise is that the Creator of the Universe is on my side! Whew, is that empowering or what??

Now, I'm going to put on my cape (putting on the full armor of God) and start my Sunday in joy!


"God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels."

Eph 6:11, The Message