In loving Memory

HBC and Cliff 2010

On January 10th, he hit his 27th birthday. 

He was a son. 

He was a brother. 

He was a grandson.

He was a nephew.

He was a fiance'.

He was a father. 

He was a friend.
He was an addict. 

On January 14th he was dead.  One of Cliff's closest friends over the past five years was slip-sliding away on the slopes of addiction.  When Cliff met H.B.C. they were both working out, trying to develop some healthy life choices and avoid the demons that were waiting to pounce on them.  Cliff was six months out of prison and 1-1/2 years clean from drugs; the longest stretch in 15 years. 

H.B.C. had a personality as big as life and loved to have fun and made it his job to be sure that everyone else was having fun too. But H.B.C. loved money, fast easy money and found a way to enjoy the trappings of dealing K2, which at the time was considered a safe, natural and legal alternative to marijuana. Cliff and I had many an argument about this synthetic pot and all the ill effects of using it, which seems to have a reverse side effect of pot.  Many users have had symptoms of drug induced psychosis episodes, violence and death.  Cliff did not indulge but thought it was okay for others. 

K2 also provided H.B.C. the money to live like a king and eventually when money wasn't available by those desiring to purchase, pills became the bartering exchange to which H.B.C. became a powerless man.  You name it, he took it.   H.B.C. lived a life of risk-taking, a telling symptom of an addict.   Eventually over time, Cliff  began to see what this mess was doing to his friend and more importantly, began to see that he had to distance himself from the group.  

Cliff called me frantically on Tuesday morning to see if I could find anything on the Internet stating H.B.C. was dead.  It was too soon for any announcement and when it was finally posted, it was briefly stated that this would be a private shiva.  I can only imagine the phone call H.B.C's mother received as I had expected a call far too often during Cliff's drug years.  I always felt that had I got the call, Cliff's funeral would have been private too.  

I had dinner with my son last night. He didn't have much of an appetite and every now and again the tears would rise to the surface and bring Cliff to a silent weeping.  He was going through the process of all those in grief of what he could have/should have done.  He was especially sorry because they were having a texting war of disagreement as Cliff was trying hard to love with detachment, but may have just given words of detachment with no love which happens often in frustration and chaos.  Cliff said H's death drove home even more the reason to stay clean. His friend's life was snuffed out way too soon and probably unintentionally and how he tried so hard to get through to H, but H just didn't seem to hear him. He also said he had just a glimpse of how I must have felt when I tried to talk to him too about changing his life. I encouraged Cliff that he can use this in his life to urge others to walk the recovery walk.  I was never more thankful for where each of us are today.

When we parted I hugged my son a good long time and told him I loved him and was so sad for H's mother but so thankful that it wasn't him. Those were hard words as I felt a little selfish having my son in the flesh standing in front of me while another mother cries out that she will never be able to hug her firstborn again. 

Reality bites hurt and you can't avoid them no matter what lifestyle you live. Not one more soul needs to be lost this way.  If you love an active alcoholic or addict, make sure they know you love them and are always urging them to win.  Meet them for a meal, buy them some warm socks or shoes if they need them.  Let them take a shower.  Show some love especially if they don't deserve it. They are still one of God's most precious creations. 

May God bring comfort to those still standing and strength to the sick and suffering. 

Laura 

What The Deuce?

If you haven't heard of K2, get ready for a new controversy that needs to be addressed. K2 is on the streets and in some states has been deemed illegal. Other states are undecided. K2 has been touted among many as a safe choice for those who'd like a little sumpin, sumpin. Some call it incense and some call it synthetic marijuana. Either way, it's creating a lot of questions and decisions that are either necessary or outrageous and you'd be wise to educate yourselves.

I've seen some young people after smoking this "harmless, legal, all-natural, herbal, synthetic stuff" and it immediately threw me back into a heightened feeling of discomfort. Their eyes were affected, though they would tell you not. Beautiful girl's buzzed, slow, mellow appearance told her story before she spoke. Her fellow friend was no better and they were getting ready to drive away. I'm not sure if the adult in this home hid the car keys or, if in their stupor the keys were misplaced, but I was thankful.

Last week at our table, a mother was on the verge of tears and it was almost painful to watch her discomfort as she listened to others share. Finally, in a meek and struggling voice, she shared about her day which included her son being locked up in county jail for at least one year.  K's son is one month away from 18. A year ago he was placed in a drug program with classes and monitoring due to a conviction with pot. K acknowledged that Junior was irresponsible in many ways. Her complaint, however, is that when asked about smoking or using anything at all,  a week prior to lockup, he shared about smoking K2. In Michigan, K2 is not listed as illegal. In fact, as far as I know, there isn't a urine test in place or developed for this stuff. Junior thought his next appointment with his caseworker was on a Tuesday, for which he asked his sister to drive him.  On Monday his caseworker called him 15 minutes after the scheduled meeting time and told him he missed his appointment and to show up the next morning in court. He gasped that he thought his appointment was the next day and even arranged a ride so he wouldn't miss it. Too bad, so sad, meet me at court in the morning.

In court he was told that he didn't take this program seriously enough and since he was still "using" by smoking K2, he was locked up immediately. Mom, Junior and Sister sobbed as they thought "What the deuce?" or probably something even more colorful.

I could comment on the courts perspective because I understand what they're saying and being closely related to several in recovery, I get it. I've read the effects and in fact, some have died after K2 usage.  What burns me up is, "Michigan, make the call, already!" Stop using this latest mind altering product as a trump card and saying "gotcha" to unsuspecting people. It's touted all over the community as totally legal. In our area, you can purchase K2, legally at some smoke shops, gas stations, and of course, from some little dealers running around with a lot of money in their pockets.

Personally, I can't stand that we will have another battle on our hands which will tie up our legislature for ages. It's a money maker for a financially bankrupt state that uses it's legal system to pay the bills. Litigation in Michigan is where it's at, baby.


To K and other parents like her, educate yourself and of course, encourage your offspring to be substance free of everything.

And, pray.