T Minus 63 and Counting.....

That's how many days are left until Cliff becomes a free man. Well, sort of free. He'll be paroled and then Cliff will find out what his requirements will be.

Cliff is making his plans and most of them seem sound and attainable. He's heard about some possible job leads. His cellmate, a man of 65, has been incarcerated since he was 28 years old. No chance for parole. Murder. But he has children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren that visit him on occasion. His mother is still alive and they communicate regularly. It seems as a young man, Grandpa ran with a troubling crowd and "took care" of a few people. His life, now with regret, will be lived out behind those cement walls forever.

When Cliff was first assigned to this cellmate I was anguishing inside. I tried to stay busy so I wouldn't wring my hands, but I know my intestines were curling up just at the thought of this situation. Cliff had violated probation more than a few times and as a repeat offender became Level 2 in the system. Level 1 is sort of like a fraternity~they play cards all the time and make plans to meet again when they "bust outta the joint." But in Level 2, many inmates know that this is going to be home for a long time, perhaps forever. Things aren't pleasant and rosy. In one phone conversation we had, it was very clear that Cliff learned to lay low, not join up with to many other inmates and to always be on guard. He said being immature would get him stabbed. More comforting words were never spoken.

Now the days are passing by so swiftly for me but most certainly like molasses for Cliff. It's all based on our own persepctive, isn't it? Cliff has a job lead from Grandpa who knows some legitimate business men. Somehow through his early life he's been affiliated with some respected names in our part of the world. Grandpa's also been quite grandfatherly to Cliff and said he wants him to have the life he should have lived and to never see or hear that he's back behind bars again. He's encouraged Cliff to find out about school and has consistenly urged him to move forward in his life.

My view of Grandpa has changed over time. I find now that I often ask Cliff how Grandpa's doing and about his family. I pray for Grandpa often. I can't imagine what it would be like to NEVER leave a place like that. His mother is in her 80's and has had some health concerns. It saddens me to think that when she leaves this world, Grandpa cannot have his goodbye with her in the familiar ways of life. That happened somewhere long ago in a court room.

Now the days are counting down and the pieces of the puzzle are scattered about, waiting to be put in their proper place. The final placement of these pieces is up to Cliff.

I'm guardedly optimistic, fervently hopeful in prayer.

Comforting Words

Two other mothers I know were talking with me yesterday about their sons, also currently incarcerated for lifestyle choices demanded by addiction. You'd think by now, that someone in our governing hierarchy would see that treating addiction at an early age without punishment might be a deterrent. Ahh....off on a tangent, I am!

So, in our conversation, the Moms and I were discussing the "programs" that were deemed necessary in order for these men, our sons, to be considered eligible for parole. First, they had to hold a job within the prison system. Second, classes with homework had to be attended for educating the addict/alcoholic regarding their diseases. This was a two part class, Phase 1 and Phase 2. Third, AA classes were also to be part of their weekly routine. I listened to Mother number one as she talked of the frustration regarding these requirements to the simple fact that her son is on a "waiting list" for EVERYTHING. Mother number two concurred. I felt an overwhelming sigh of relief.

Why? Because every time Cliff and I have spoken, I have asked about his work, or lack thereof. He would constantly tell me how many times he kited for available jobs, kited to be put on waiting lists for AA and kited about starting a Phase 2 class. Phase 1 ended abruptly as the instructor was either discharged or quit; Cliff has heard rumors both ways. Nevertheless, those who had completed and turned in all their assignments were given a "completion" for Phase 1 and were put on the list for Phase 2. What Mother number one did for me, was reduce the little bit of uneasiness I would experience each time Cliff and I talked about his inactivity in prison. I was told and hoping that in prison he would be getting a few life skills preparing him for the real world when he's paroled.

Think again, Mom.

Fortunately for Cliff's sake, he has decided to set up his own plans for his release. He was granted parole as he met all the qualifications the best he could. In the past doing his best wouldn't fly but the prisons in Michigan are so overcrowded they don't have the staff to provide the classes, nor the jobs available. Parole would have been instantly denied no matter what the reason was for non-completing those outlined requirements.

Cliff starts each day with physical fitness, keeps his space orderly and his clothing neat and clean. They do keep an eye on that much. He's stayed totally out of trouble, no gambling over card games, no fights with other inmates and has tested negative for every single drug test that's been given. He's had little to no money in his account to barter for anything that might allow him to mask the results of a drug test. He's beginning a mentoring program with a man from my church which will continue upon Cliff's release. In a recent conversation he told me that he's grown up a lot this year. The better part of that, though, is I hear it in our conversation.

Mom number one and two soothed my uneasiness that Cliff was pulling one over on me by saying that he kites constantly and gets nowhere. I'm always keeping my eyes and ears open for any possibility of being taken advantage of again. I hope and pray for the day that I can take Cliff at his word and never wonder if it's the truth. That, however, is in Cliff's court and only time will bridge that gap.

I'll be a'waitin!

Flip-Flopped

Tomorrow Cliff has a parole hearing, his first since being sentenced. His earliest release date is sometime in November. He's rather new at this part and so am I. This is his first time in a state correctional facility as opposed to county. The other day I heard another mother say something along the lines of "how many letters did they get and how many classes they completed can determine if they get flopped."

Hmmmm.....the lingo is new to me, but I'm catching on. The procedures, though, I'm not. Why, oh why, in the system of corrections is it so hard to find out what you need to know? I'm sure the information is out there but if you've ever tried to reach anyone at a facility you know why I shudder. It's a nightmare and you need to not be at a desk 8 to 9 hours a day as an employee so you can be available to search and call and find out the answers to your questions and how the system works. I've never had the privilege nor the network. Maybe now, I'm getting that connection.

The flip side is, Cliff needs to be asking more questions where he is and not from the other incarcerees (I made that up!). The counselor he's assigned to at his facility seems to be there on a less than regular basis. He told me last night that he has a low average, which can play against him. He's violated probation so many times and had juvenile offenses that also come into play. However, he's a non-violent offender and with the over-crowding situation he may have his ticket punched to walk out. I'm really not anxious about this. I figure it's in God's hands and He knows how I feel about this. I'm just getting my health and well being back together and have such a long way to go to resolve so many of the effects financially that was compounded by loving a Cliff. I'm learning and setting more boundaries every day.

If Cliff is flopped for another year I may not be so sad, except that I hate to think this will become his way of life.

But if he's released and not prepared for this way of life, I'll flip! I really think I need more time, God willing.

I love him....but you know the rest....