With My Own Eyes

Some years back I worked with a co-worker whose step-son "P" was troubling, to say the least. He was 18 years old, had a "maybe" baby (the family wasn't convinced 100% that he was the father) and had been kicked out of his home. P went to live with his grandmother and subsequently was kicked out of his grandmother's home, too. By all accounts he seemed to be rolling head first down the path of a life spent in and out of jail, or worse. He dropped out of school and was involved in some very questionable activity ending with a gunshot through his neck. His story of that action is unclear. Now, step-dad and mom found out he was in county jail, but they didn't know why. It didn't sound very positive for him, did it?

This hard-nosed step-dad "M" was struggling over whether or not to put a few dollars in the young man's commissary account.  Now, I don't know how it is where you are, but here in Michigan you are not given much of anything for free in jail. If you have the money you can have an account and purchase your own soap, tooth brush and toothpaste, etc., or any food items you might want between meals. If you don't have the money for an account you pretty much go without or are given a very low, low grade of toiletries that I hear is probably like lye. Either way, you don't get much and if you want anything more than what's been given to you whether it be food items or toiletries, you have to have a way to pay for it. Additionally, each day you are locked up you are charged a fee, like a motel and upon release, you can walk out with a bill that you are supposed to pay in a short amount of time. Otherwise, you violate your probation and can be locked up in a minute for not paying.  I've seen this with my own eyes. 

So M was in the office talking with me about whether or not to put a few bucks in P's account and I was happy to hear a softer, more compassionate side of him. Two other mother's in the office sitting nearby and hearing the conversation began ranting very loudly, "don't do it! Let him go without! Maybe he'll learn a thing or two......." and on and on it went. Somewhere in my mind I kept hearing "stone him, stone him". I've heard comments made by this supportive group (not!) stating that he is "hopeless." These are the moments where I wanted to say "Shut the heck up! You have no idea what you're talking about!" I've heard this with my own ears over the years. 

At 18 years old, they call him a "MAN". Most of us know that at 18 a young person is hardly a man or a woman. They are just warming up. Some choose constant choices that are unhealthy, unlawful, or unbelievable. We don't know the history of any one's life but our own and those closest to us. I'm not advocating that we coddle, ignore or excuse the behavior but the older I get the more I want to say that NO ONE is hopeless or worthless. These men and women were created by God for a reason, just as we were. If their choices have been less than wise, they have to learn life's lessons the hard way. Some will stay in this path for the rest of their lives while others will have a slow awakening and become mature in an unconventional way. I've also seen this with my own eyes. 

I want to say that there is ALWAYS hope. I would find it difficult to believe that you've enabled someone to stay in an unhealthy lifestyle, by giving them money in an account for a bar of soap, tube of toothpaste or buying them a pair of shoes.  

The years have gone by and I recently heard that "M" passed away. I have no idea what happened with any of his family.  But, I will always have hope for those on the path of recklessness. I've seen someone change with my own eyes. 

Addicted Me

The older I get the more I realize that I have an addictive personality of  my own. A few years back Cliff and I were driving home from the store when he spied a bag in the backseat holding a new box of  Little Debbie's Swiss Cake Roll Ups. "Mom,"  he said, "why are you buying those? They can't be good for your sugar."  Usually quite defensive of anyone pointing out my food choices, I reluctantly replied that they just called out to me.  He paused and said without judgment, "I know what you mean. Heroin used to call out to me, too."  Ugh.

When I was in high school, heroin was the rich man's drug but pot and other substances could be found everywhere, including my high school vestibule.  But I was afraid of drugs in any form.  In 1972 I knew of several people who died from drug usage and that was enough for me. Though pot didn't claim those statistics, I was afraid of anything that would alter my  mind and self-control.  I'm so thankful that even without knowing it or knowing God that well, that He gave me a strong sense of 'no' in that particular arena.  He was protecting me and for once I didn't throw all caution to the wind and jump the line. 

Why then, am I now facing my own refusal to acknowledge my need for removal of other forms of substance abuse?  Sugar is my "thang".  I clearly remember being at my cousin Leslie Hamp's 5th birthday party and parking myself right at the corner of the picnic table where a bowl of  M&M's sat unsupervised, calling out to me. All the other party attenders were off playing some games and I wanted no part of that. I was in my own little chocolate heaven until my aunt shooed me away. Ugh. 

Still being a sugar person you'd think by 57-3/4 years old I would have won this battle. Not so. And even with all the issues of diabetes I have, it would make sense to everyone around me to just simply walk away. It isn't that simple as many of you can relate with life hazards of your own that you've yet to kick.  This process always reminds me of the Scripture verse in the book of Romans when Paul says "Why do I do the things I hate?"  Ugh. 

I'm reminded that my life didn't exist simply to raise Son #1 and Cliff. Somehow I saw myself as being their life director and trying to intervene where only God could reach them. In so doing, I continued for many years to ignore God when He was trying to reach me and was beckoning me to look Him square in the face, so to speak, and hear what He has for me.  Love, acceptance, intimacy, goodness, blessing, peace, order, freedom, and unsurpassed joy.  All these things await me as I continue to step fully into the life He has planned for me, which includes well-being and good health. 

As I continue to relinquish my ways and my unneeded help for those I love, it frees me up to connect with myself in a healthy way. Today, I will choose to take care of me, my health and my home all in the freedom of surrendering to His magnificent way.  From despair to hope, I've been set free. At times I feel like I'm just starting again down this path and that's the beauty of 12 Steps and a loving God.  He is always holding out His righteous right hand to start anew and you can practice the 12 Steps over and over and over again. 

Peace. 

Picture from google

Hope In the Storms of Life

"When you say a situation or a person is hopeless,

you're slamming the door in the face of God."

~Charles L. Allen~

Hope is the word on which I hang all my desires, dreams and plans. I know I've shared my thoughts before on people calling people hopeless. It sends me, and not in a pleasant way; it puts my blood pressure to the test. Today Pastor Chris spoke about people who live without hope. He talked about the storms of life, which we all have. Some live there by choice or are pulled in because of the people they love, while others, for some unknown reason, seem to be in the midst of storms all their lives. Pastor Chris said that "no one gets to select or schedule their storms in life."

So what do we do in the midst of the storms?

• We pull in our life boats and keep them secure until we really need them.
• We toss over the unneccessary cargo. In other words, Let go and Let God.
• We lower our anchor, meaning we dig deep into our faith and hold on to His hand.
  

As long as I've had faith, I've had hope. But there are times when "neither sun nor stars appeared for many days and the storm continued raging" that I felt as if my hope was lost. Finally when I came to Al-Anon, my spirit settled down and I began to regain some order and sanity in my thinking and my life that allowed me to again believe I have every reason to hope for myself and my addict.

As I go into this week of thanks, I will be sure to take time to reflect on just what God has done for me in the past year.

He restored me to sanity and continues to give me Hope.

I'm Eighteen

A co-worker's step-son is troubling, to say the least. He's 18 years old, has a "maybe" baby (the family isn't convinced 100% that he's the father) and has been kicked out of his home and his grandmother's home. By all accounts he seems to be rolling head first down the path of a life spent in and out of jail, or worse. He dropped out of school and has been involved in some very questionable activity and was shot through the neck about two weeks ago. His story of that action is unclear. Now, the mom and step-dad find out that he's in the county jail, but they don't know why. It doesn't sound very positive for him, does it?

Yesterday, this hard-nosed step-dad was struggling over whether or not to put a few dollars in the young man's account. Now, I don't know how it is where you are, but here in Michigan you are not given much of anything for free in jail. You have an account and purchase your own soap, tooth brush and toothpaste, etc. If you don't have the money, you pretty much go without or are given a very low, low grade of toiletries that I hear is probably like lye. Either way, you don't get much and if you want anything at all, you have to have a way to pay for it. Additionally, each day you are locked up you are charged a fee, like a motel. When you leave, you have so many days to pay for your visit, or you are in probation violation for which you may be picked up again and locked up. In better times, many men could return to a job or had the means to pay for things, but not in this economy.

Anyway, M was in the office talking about whether or not to put a few bucks in P's account and I was happy to hear a softer, more compassionate side of him. Two other mother's in the office ranted very loudly, "don't do it! Let him go without! Maybe he'll learn a thing or two......." and on and on it went. Somewhere in my mind I kept hearing "stone him, stone him". I've heard comments made that he is "hopeless." These are the moments where I would like to say "Shut the heck up!"

At 18 years old, they call him a "MAN". Most of us know that at 18 a young person is hardly a man or a woman. They are just warming up. Some choose constant choices that are unhealthy, unlawful, or unbelievable. We don't know the history of anyone's life but our own and those closest to us. I'm not advocating that we coddle, ignore or excuse the behavior. But the older I get the more I want to say that NO ONE is hopeless or worthless. These men and women were created for a reason, just as we were. If their choices have been less than wise, they have to learn life's lessons the hard way. Some will stay in this path for the rest of their lives while others will have slow awakenings and become mature in an uncoventional way. But there is ALWAYS hope.

I just don't believe in giving up on another human being, especially at the ripe old age of 18.