Christmas Peace

It took me completely by surprise at our Christmas family gathering. My sister-in-love has a pretty purple tree covered with lots of beautiful little ornamental fairies, butterflies and other mini-sized trinkets. Earlier I had noticed a few small picture frame ornaments with photos of SIL's mom and dad who have passed away. Later in the day, I sort of heard my sister speaking to me as I was looking all around the tree again, sort of lost in my own world.  Suddenly her voice came into my listening space and she said  "that must have been at A & K's wedding. Doesn't she look great?"   My gaze zeroed in on what my sister was referring too, and I realized it was a picture of our mom smiling beautifully wearing a lovely red dress. My breath was taken away and I kept saying to my sister, "wait, is that our mom?? That's mom!?!"  Then I dissolved into a quiet sob.  In a low voice I said to my sister that I've been missing Mom so much this past year.  And since that moment on Saturday, I've been in a very melancholy mood and weepy every time I think of Mom. And you know what?  It's okay and it's not taking anything away from this Christmas holiday. 

I'm so thankful that I didn't grow up in an environment that focused on dates, memories or situations that came along with pain and hence forth believed that forever after that date was ruined or tarnished.  I believe that's probably what let me spend many a holiday without my sons when they were younger, without Cliff when he was in his addiction, or without the presence of any of those I loved. 

I was reading a post today written by Alissa Parker. The Parker's are one of the families that lost their beautiful first grader in last year's Sandy Hook tragedy.  How they've handled their pain and grief is enlightening and healthy.  As codependents or enablers, we've often stuffed our feelings in an effort to get everyone onto the same page or we've given our best effort to make everything appear as if nothing's missing or wrong.  How refreshing it is to be able to shed a few tears for a few minutes and then move on. And sometimes they are shed again and then you move on again.  It's not a lock down of grief but a process of moving through hurt or pain.  It's living life that is filled with all kinds of emotions and events and we need to give ourselves the gift of balance.  Mourning and dancing truly can be done in the same memory!! 

Don't cling to your hurts.  Embrace the joy and face the grief head on.  It's not a battle you're in. These are allowable feelings and healing is sure to follow.  No one or nothing can ruin your holiday unless you give them permission to do so.  My sons addiction had nothing to do with the birth of God's only son, Jesus. Shed a tear if necessary and then look for the Light of Life as you take the next right step. Practice the Steps you've learned.  May the truth of Christmas be welcomed into your thinking as you take care of yourself in the days ahead. 

Peace. 

The Christmas Ghosts

Ebenezer Scrooge wasn't the only one that had no peace and was visited by ghosts through his hours of restless slumber. Those ghosts can be so active as they try to infiltrate the most lovely of days even when we're awake!   I often find myself alone through these days except for a few brief moments of breaking bread here and there with others, but the hours go slowly when you are by yourself through what appears to be the most wonderful time of the year.  


Yesterday evening I went to a Christmas Eve service where I attend church and as usually happens it brings peace to my soul and new vision to my sight of what Christmas is truly all about. And that's a good, good thing since the chaos of a life partnered with addicts can and will try to blur the truth if you're naively unaware. 

The Ghost of Christmas Past tries to enter into the present on a regular basis.  Flashing pictures before me of somber, sad days when the addict I loved was M.I.A. or incarcerated for yet another year, the ghost tries to rob me of today's love, peace and joy that's rooted down deep in my soul. He throws dirt on my soul in an effort to cover up the truth and tries desperately to turn my feelings into a tumultuous throwback of days gone by.  Ha!  That ghost doesn't know he's coming up against an arsenal of Biblical truths and 12 Step practices that have woven themselves in and through my mind, heart and soul and will come up against any lies or deceit of the past trying to make this day miserable.  Instead, with every fiery dart the ghost tries to shoot my way the Truth comes up to intercept and redirect that dart away from me and quickly floods my thoughts with accurate words that quell my fears and sadness. The Spirit of Truth says to me through His Word: "For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping. So now I can walk in your presence, O God, in your life-giving light"  (Psalm 56:13)

Life-giving Light!! Take that, Marley!  

The Ghost of Christmas Present is really waging war with the Spirit of The Lord who is keeping my eyes and thoughts where they belong.  He reminds me in Philippians with these words:  "So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision - you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it." (Phil 3:15-16)

Oh, I could go on and on about the Scriptures in Philippians as they are a firm foundation to my faith walk and keeping me healthy along with the truths of Al-anon encouraging me to stay focused on NOW.  Not going back to rehash what's already passed and not going forward and fixating on an event or scenario that hasn't happened yet, but to just be here. Right here, right now. Don't you see how they fit hand in hand? It has turned MY thinking inside out and let my Creator whisper truth, guidance and direction in the way that He says I should go or when He says I should be still.  Those are hard lessons learned at times, but the most valuable lessons I've ever experienced.   

The Ghost of Christmas Future is no ghost to me. Not anymore. I've learned to not run ahead of myself and create angst where there doesn't need to be any. I am not going to try to outsmart my addict, or any other person in my life so I can prepare as to how I will react, do or not do the thing that hasn't even happened yet. God's word is rich with promises of leading me into the future in His loving care. Wow...what a lot of time spent unnecessarily in days gone by.  I'm so thankful to be out of the faux rat-race I was in!  Ugh! 

My Creator says: 

"Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand new."   (Isaiah 43:18 (MSG) 

Step Three says, and I go to this step often in my meditation, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understood Him".  That step is part of the 12 Steps of AA which began in August 1938 and became equally important to Al-Anon in it's beginnings in 1951. 

Make today count in the best way you can focusing on this one important truth. You are loved today whether in a crowd of people or sitting alone in a dark place.  Let the Light of Life shine in your heart and chase those ghosts away whether it be past, present or future. Your Creator desires to do something magnificent in your life!! Step back and let Him in!

Merry Christmas, my friends! 

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas. May you sense heavenly peace in your hearts as you wait for the miracle you long for in your family that only He can bring.

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