People are becoming more vocal about this uninvited guest that wormed its way into the midst of their homes, jobs, bank accounts and family gatherings. It seems the unwanted, lurking blood-sucking traitors are now out in the open instead of tucked away in some dark, web-filled corner of the attic. In many ways, this "outing" of the problem is good. What was automatically considered a life of crime, is now thought of as a life of disease. You will find 2 very strong opinions regarding this topic of conversation and how to handle the outcome of those stances. Personally for me, I'm glad to see that the issue is coming out more in the ways of education and our culture realizing that the addiction is not the only identifying feature of the person we love.
Sometimes I'll read an obituary on FB, that has no relevance to me, other than a parent is grieving yet relishing the person beyond their battles. What were they known for? Perhaps they were a great dancer, a flourishing writer, or record-setting ball player. Did they have a scientific mind that functioned on the realm of genius when they weren't in the battle at hand? Was the dearly departed beloved, the next king or queen of cuisine that was honing their skill when untouched by the thief of life? I'm thankful that life is now being celebrated beyond the ravages of sorrow, filled with pain and rejection. It's hard enough to grieve alone when your addict is actively using, let alone hiding your grief in death because we are still ashamed of the place and way they were or are living.
Sometimes I'll read an obituary on FB, that has no relevance to me, other than a parent is grieving yet relishing the person beyond their battles. What were they known for? Perhaps they were a great dancer, a flourishing writer, or record-setting ball player. Did they have a scientific mind that functioned on the realm of genius when they weren't in the battle at hand? Was the dearly departed beloved, the next king or queen of cuisine that was honing their skill when untouched by the thief of life? I'm thankful that life is now being celebrated beyond the ravages of sorrow, filled with pain and rejection. It's hard enough to grieve alone when your addict is actively using, let alone hiding your grief in death because we are still ashamed of the place and way they were or are living.
If you had known me 20 years ago, you wouldn't recognize me as the same person and you surely wouldn't believe that my son is the same man he was under the guise of a needle. My appearance isn't so different but my actions, reactions, ability to focus and hopefully my demeanor are markedly different from then till now. Cliff's life is NOTHING reflective of the years of active using. He's been clean from the needle for 10 years but has worked extremely hard in the last 2 years to make changes since his past addiction. It's not been easy for either of us but when Cliff finally "let God" in to the places of hurt that hadn't been dealt with, he slowly began to make life-changes that I believe will follow him all of his days. Isn't this what every parent dreams of?
Cliff has come to the realization that even though much of his childhood was filled with angst, anger and abusive situations, his choices now are up to him. He's reading daily devotionals and letting the truth of God's love for him fill into every joint and marrow that oozes positive choices, decisions and words, quelling the memories from days of old that attempt to stir him into a temperamental eruption. Additionally, he's choosing a peaceful presence in all his surroundings which has flowed into my life, too. I could take a lesson from Cliff in my food choices and exercise routine. Those who follow a plant-based diet and movement for wellness (Cliff has been battling back and neck injury for the last 2 years) would laud Cliff's life-changes and call him king! It's quite possible the addict you love is one step away from the life-change you've been praying for.
For those still in the battle with your loved ones, I know the struggle is real. But your support is more real - more real than you may believe. Check for meetings in your community whether it be AA, NA or Celebrate Recovery. Plant yourself in the middle of a well-run, long withstanding group that has years of recovery behind them. Let yourself be loved in a healthy, supportive way because most likely you've been withholding getting close to anyone, as a form of unintended defense, for a very long time. And make a list of what you love (loved) about your addict. Don't let the enemy of your heart and soul rob you of all that is or was true.
Whatever you do, please don't try to manage this all alone. There is a community of wellness waiting to help you see much more clearly than you can muster alone. You're almost there.
For those still in the battle with your loved ones, I know the struggle is real. But your support is more real - more real than you may believe. Check for meetings in your community whether it be AA, NA or Celebrate Recovery. Plant yourself in the middle of a well-run, long withstanding group that has years of recovery behind them. Let yourself be loved in a healthy, supportive way because most likely you've been withholding getting close to anyone, as a form of unintended defense, for a very long time. And make a list of what you love (loved) about your addict. Don't let the enemy of your heart and soul rob you of all that is or was true.
Whatever you do, please don't try to manage this all alone. There is a community of wellness waiting to help you see much more clearly than you can muster alone. You're almost there.
"Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us"
Charles Kingsley
*Picture from Google*
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