I claimed this year to be the year of de-clutter for me. When Cliff was in addiction, I probably really needed to do this mundane task but my mind couldn't make a solid decision on what to keep and what to toss. Some people are true taskmasters and relish the opportunity to dig in deep when their plate is loaded with family struggles. They find healing and clarity through the process ~ it's quite cathartic. Me? I was looking for love in all the wrong places - through food and a comfy chair with a blanket. I simply sank deeper into my personal world of woe and twisted my mind all around the challenge and life of my son. An unhealthy reality for me really had nothing to do with Cliff. I didn't have any skills in life care. And I didn't pursue them well. It was just easier for me to place the blame on everything else going on around me only I didn't notice that I was doing life that way. All of my statements began with "some day, I'm going to ..." or "some day, I'm going to be..." or "some day, my prince will come...". You get the idea.
Now, it's years later and thankfully Cliff is in a healthier place, but so am I. And my healthier choices are unrelated to Cliff's life choices. They are my own.
The years can be helpful or hateful. I am happy to see that in my life, recovery has brought me to a place of well being and hopefully wisdom. I find that I've been able to learn to pause and listen to what God, my Higher Power, would like me to know. It comes slowly at times and often through prayer and meditation but sometimes through the affirmations of others in conversation. They don't even know they are being used by God to tell me something He wants me to know!
Learning to pause allows you to take a breath. Sit back and process what's really going on. Don't let others ever push you into something you aren't willing to say yes to. The person that's trying to rush your decision making process is usually out for one thing. Themselves.
Pause often through the day. Let your spirit be at ease. Sometimes you have to practice the pause every hour just to get through the current reality. Pause and pray.
You've got nothing to lose but your own peace of mind.