Mother and Child Reunion

Initially our eyes met briefly ~ sneaking a peek and darting away, only to be glanced at again in a sideways slant. I longed to stare into the face and eyes of the son that seemed to drink in a memory of his birth mom nearly 19 years ago. Due to a speaking seminar I was attending in Daniel's home town I was now a guest in his home.

When Daniel was born, he was a healthy 9 lbs 4 oz solid baby boy! And, I know it's not necessary to say, but he was BEAUTIFUL. I'm of the opinion that children of mixed heritage are often the most striking people that grace this earth. The evening before this family would begin a journey for a lifetime, Daniel's parents came to visit me in the hospital. I was sitting on my bed holding Daniel up on my shoulder and his soon-to-be parents and I were talking as old friends might do about life in general. Sort of the white elephant saga, we spoke of everything and anything that didn't have to do with tomorrow's transition. At one point during our conversation, I was speaking to Carol when suddenly Daniel picked his head up off my shoulder and looked up into my face as if to say "I know this voice. Are you my mother?"

The last night that Daniel and I had together as mother and son was so bittersweet. I didn't want it to end, yet I longed to move on swiftly in an effort to reduce the pain that was welling up inside of me. I rolled Daniel's bassinet to my room in the middle of the night as he was beginning to stir for an early morning bottle. Thankful that I had a private room I talked to Daniel and told him things that I hoped would remain in his soul forever. His eyes were bright and gleaming, rich in depth and seemed to sparkle brightly all the while. We talked for what seemed like hours as that last night turned into day. Daniel was all ears and quite alert for being only 30 hours old, seeming to drink in everything I said to him with earnest delight, almost as if to say, "tell me more, Mom. I want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about you before I go." We lingered that morning, he and I.

Impending grief loomed large and every now and then, for a fleeting moment, I almost changed my mind. How could this be??? How did I get into this situation?? Of course, I knew how, but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would be placing a child of my womb, a child of my heart into another families arms to raise.

When Fran, the adoption facilitator came to tell me the time was drawing near, she left me alone again with Daniel sleeping in his bassinet. I peered over this perfect little child and wept uncontrollably. I picked him up and held him so close it felt as if we would simply become one. Unable to take these emotions for another minute Fran seemed to come back right on time. I placed this beautiful boy into her arms and as she left the room, I sank into my pillow and wept with more pain than I had ever felt before. Yet, in my heart of hearts I knew that as painful as this was, as hard as it was, it was the most right thing I've ever done and I thanked God for giving me the strength to carry it through.

Now, it's 2009 and these past five days Daniel and I played cat and mouse with our eyes, our questions and our thoughts. One evening he brought out his graduation party poster boards, "The Shrine of Daniel" his family teasingly called it, chronicling his life from birth through graduation. I poured over those boards, recalling some of the pictures I'd received through the years and marveling at others I had never seen. The next evening when we were all out for ice cream, his 82 year old grandfather thanked me with such feeling for the gift I had given to this family and told me how much he loved this boy. I was humbled deeply and had even more gratitude for this family given to me. Athletically, Daniel succeeds. Grandpa told me that at each sporting event, no matter who in the family was there to cheer him on, Daniel would hug each one after the game that day and thank them for being there. What a guy!

My speaking seminar was an incredible process of learning to find an aim and application to whatever I may choose to speak about. It sounds easy enough but really takes some work to hone in on this craft and learn that my words and gestures need to be purposeful from beginning to end. It was difficult in some ways because at night, when I should have been spending time reworking my assignment, I was bonding again with Carol. We shared so much more of our lives that didn't necessarily include Daniel. Some days I felt emotionally spent, but it was ALL GOOD.

Being a woman of faith was the only thing that carried me through the past 19 years that was filled with divorce, addiction, recovery, job loss, death, grieving and a smattering of abundant joy through my grandgirls. Only God would have known that 19 years ago when I placed Daniel into this family, that I would end up at a conference less than five miles away from his home. Only God would have Carol call me "out of the blue" and then, after finding out I'd be in their town, invite me to spend my nights with them allowing Daniel and me to have some interaction that prayerfully will give him even more security in the fact knowing that he's always been loved by me.

A mother and child reunion is only a motion away.

Through the deepest trials of life, God will sustain those who ask. Not only sustain, but restore brokenness to an even better place than it was to begin with.

"Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust and the gnawing locust."
Joel 2:25a

*All Pics Googled*


Steve E. said...

This morning I have been tearing up as I'm reading so many blogs. For one reason or the other, they are reallt affecting me...and nor along comes YOURS! And this is the first time mt eyes are so wet I cannot see the keyboard.

What sadness. What JOY! What a woman, mother, you are...thank you from letting us/me see that in another human, right now, today.

God bless you, Laura.
And real Love from your blogger-friend,

pat said...

What an amazing gift you gave to this family. This post really touched my heart.

Tall Karen said...

My eyes are getting a bath today too. It is in giving that we receive. This is such a beautiful story and witness to God's gracious love and power. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey. You did the right thing.

Madison said...

Laura, I believe you are right. God sustains & restores. Sounds like your rose-colored glasses haven't slipped too far down your nose. Keep believing.

Prayer Girl said...

Your blog brought tears to my eyes and a swelling in my heart.

This story is full of love, sacrifice, and God.

Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Prayer Girl

Lou said...

Another incredible gift in your Amazing Adventure. It is not often these things work out so perfectly for everyone involved.

A great post!

Karen said...

Thanks for sharing this. I can't even imagine...what a testimony to your trust in God! And what a reward this mother son time must have been. God is faithful.

Pam said...

Wow darlin', just wow!

Annette said...

This has got to be the most beautiful blog post I have EVER read. Thank you Laura

Gledwood said...

That's really sad. I'm so glad the attitudes and laws have changed so that people in your sitation can make contact again if so desired...


Sounds like your Shared-Son has inherited your collective, constant and ever flowing, generous Love.

Cheers! sharing the Love and letting travel constantly and effortlessly, for ever more.

Be well.
Do good.
All ways.
All days.
Stay true.

Steve E. said...

In searching something from an old blog of mine, I happened to notice that a year ago, I might have one comment on my blog. And you know who that comment was from?


So I clicked on your name, and came right here, realized I've been here before. But I could not help but read this one again. How beautiful, how good God is to us who persevere, who never forget Him

No matter what others say or do, no matterwhat happens...No Matter What! As long as He is in control, all is well.

But for a moment when I take back control (they told me this and "they" are right!) I'm sinking down into that manure pile again.

Thank for being there a year ago, and thanks for being here...NOW!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

I have just happened to trip over your site. What a perfect title! Your gift of your child was enabling love to happen in that family and to your child, and now it seems it is coming back to you.

If it helps or is interesting to see the other side (and you see it because you are in touch with the family who adopted your son), I took in three children as teenagers (three different families) whose parents could not keep them for various reasons. Two were single mothers. All were from impoverished areas. One mother was fighting drug addiction. One was fighting discrimination against Jews in Soviet Russia. The third was a couple with seven children, living in Siberia at a time of limited medical assistance, with a a very talented child artist dying (truly, literally) from spina bifida. Those children brought much enrichment to our lives. Don't believe that it is all in one direction. Our interactions with the mothers (and, in one case, father) brought incredible blessings to me and to my family. It bonded my children -- all of them, the ones I bore and the ones I took in. It created a sense of sister-ship with the other mothers. Most important, as you say in your blog title, it enabled love.

And that is what you did, without a doubt, for that family!

God uses all kinds of difficult situations to create blessings. He must especially love you for helping Him to do that!