12 Steps Peace

12 Steps by 12 Steps Cliff and I are both living life somewhat "normally". Whatever that is.

Mr. Boss has season tickets for the Detroit Tigers, which they've done for years. Customers are given first dibs and then if games are not taken, we can use them. Midweek games are generally wide open due to schedule conflicts for the "average" Joe. Whoever that is.


This week such an opportunity became available and I picked up the four tickets (really good seats) for the Tigers vs. Tx Rangers last night. Cliff asked his buddy Andrew and several other people to go including Son #1 but due to one reason or another most folks couldn't go. Eventually he rounded out the foursome and they headed down to the D to see the game.

It was a perfect night for a game! The weather was perfect, the Tigers are playing decently so far this year and Verlander was on the mound. I was quite comfortable with the event, especially because Andrew, who is also in recovery, was not one of the people Cliff used with or ran the streets with in his former life. But as the evening went on, the creep tried to put me back into the old panic (codependent) mode. I recalled that Cliff had to be to work at 6:00 am today and being that he's still dependent on me for transportation I started to think about whether or not he would get enough rest, whether or not he washed his uniform and whether or not he was in his seat at the stadium or ditching his new friends. Arrrggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

Tip-toeing into an old pattern of behavior, I peeked into Cliff's room (the door was wide open) and noticed his uniform was not washed. I decided I would "help" him out and wash it. Clothing in hand, I stopped myself and said no, it's not my uniform and not my responsibility to handle. I dropped it where it lay. As I watched the end of the game, my stomach began to churn and my thoughts began to go to the "what-ifs". At that time I realized I didn't want to go that route so I picked up my recovery bible and looked for specific verses regarding peace. I also realized that I had to trust Cliff at this time and not go backwards into the old patterns. How sly the creep is; he's so good at trying to usurp what my Higher Power, God, has done in both our lives.

As I continued to search out some readings on peace, I relaxed and left it alone. I went to bed as I have been, believing that Cliff would get home (he did), take care of his own business (he did) and be up early enough, looking presentable for me to get him to work ontime (he was).

Life is lovely today and today is all I need to take care of. Thank you, God.
*All Pics Googled*

9 comments:

Gin said...

It is amazingly soooo easy to slip back into old patterns isn't it. At least you were able to talk yourself out of it. That's really great. I have the same type of conversations in my head as well. I'm glad all went well.

Indigo said...

There is a reason why we take it one day at a time. We have to be onguard 24/7 because yes, cunning and baffling is a part of the disease.

I'm so glad it worked out for the better dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

Cat said...

In a family therapy session last night the therapist asked all the family what would be different if my oldest changed - for good, stopped self medicating and began working hard in school making grades he could be proud of...

My answer was I would worry less about him, I would see consistently that he could take care of himself and I could stop hovering...

But really the idea of him being successful after so much of our history together has taught me to expect less - is difficult for me to grasp and I think that is where that faith you talk of comes into play...

Annette said...

Oh Laura, I so relate. Isn't it amazing how deeply ingrained these feelings, actions, responses, are in us??! But you did good! You struggled but you walked away. You used your tools. That is all anyone can ask...you gave him the dignity to be a functioning adult last night. Good job Mom!

Lou said...

I think Cliff fully understands trust has to be rebuilt over time.

Now you have to do your part, Mama;)

Steve E. said...

Peace. Trust. Love.

clean and crazy said...

you are so awesome, I began to smile when you said, no and put his dirty clothes back. Awesome completely awesome

Prayer Girl said...

What a beautiful story of triumph over the old behavior and thinking patterns.

Hurray for you!

Prayer Girl

TraceyBaby said...

My best friend's nephew plays for the Orioles. He bounces back and fourth between the majors and the minors. Jeff Fiorentino