From Past to Future

"Before, I used to see myself as a man with a past.

Now, I know I'm a man with a future and it's a good one."

This past week Cliff was asked to share at his Men's Fellowship meeting about what the last 10 weeks meant to him. He's been part of this group since his release from prison just as he's been part of recovery meetings. Men's fellowship meets every Thursday morning at 6:00 am which is a statement and a half to me. In the past Cliff would growl and hiss at 6:00 am, not only to me but to anything else related to that hour. Now, he embraces this time with enthusiasm; more, he embraces this group of men with admiration and affection. Cliff likes having a group that isn't recovery related and I don't blame him. I have groups I participate in also that aren't specific to recovery and I like that too. I know that recovery meetings have enhanced my life and has been a huge part of Cliff being able to make statements about his future with promise, but it's vital to have a balance, especially in recovery.

Time and again Cliff has said to me that he loves his life now and has no desire to go back to his former ways. He's true to his recovery and true to his faith. He struggles at times because he hasn't been able to secure any kind of work other than an occasional odd job, but his whole life is different because of the balance of recovery meetings and men's fellowship.

Ditto for me.

I have often thought of myself as someone dragging through this life with a past. "Oh, woe is me!" is the way I functioned though I was unaware that I was carrying and wearing that badge of honor. Time and again I think to myself how much I love my life now too, even with the struggles of finances and an oppressive sense of foreboding the media would like me to buy into. Time and again I am amazed how the 12 steps has deepened my faith and walk with the Lord. It's revealed to me so much more about how powerless I am over others and their struggles and just how magnificently powerful God is in my own life. I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness at just how much He loves me and longs for me to be close to Him so He can whisper sweet things in my ear that guide me through my day and through my heartaches.

Before, I used to see myself as a woman dragging her past along with her. Now, I'm a woman with a future and it is bright!!

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