Life. Recovery life. Purposeful living. Through each passing year we learn more about how to care for ourselves realizing care for ourselves is not selfish care. We learn more about compassion for those who are still struggling in the world of addiction and other abuses and all the chaos it brings. And for some like me, it only deepens our faith and trust in the Living God.
Yesterday was Cliff’s 43rd birthday. Yikes!! How did he get to be my age so quickly (joking, of course!). I still feel so much younger than the calendar says I am! Cliff and I are now worlds apart as I am in Scotland serving the Lord and he is in Michigan making his life happen. Fifteen years ago, life was a stinkin’ mess. Cliff was in the height of his heroin use and I was in the height of my sleepless, hand-wringing nights trying to cope without good coping skills. That is a learned thing, you know. Coping requires a sound mind and practiced choices, and I had neither of those skills in my backpack of life. I am so thankful to say that way of life is behind Cliff and it’s behind me. We each arrived at different times to our healing and wellness but God in His mercy never let go of either one of us.
Slowly but surely, Cliff is re-aligning his thinking with good and healthy thoughts. I’ve been the recipient of several sincere phone calls within the past year. In the first call a few months back he thanked me for always pointing him to God throughout his life even when I wasn’t necessarily walking strong with the Lord. His comments were an affirmation to my restless heart when the enemy tries to tell me all the things I did poorly as a mother. I was really caught off guard by his recollection and appreciation all these years later to the things he resisted against for so long. It was salve to my soul.
Yesterday as we chatted for Cliff’s birthday, it was such a nice and simple conversation about his day (he worked) and any celebrating he might do. His work had a small cake for him and many wished him a happy birthday. He had received a few texts early in the morning and he was quite happy to receive those before he went to work. Then when we spoke, he was planning on making his dinner and probably watch a movie once the animals (birds, squirrels and yard cats) were tended to. One more time, Cliff threw me for a loop when he said “Oh! Mom, before we hang up I want to tell you something - I want to tell you that I’m proud of you (gasp!). I know I have not always said it or felt it but lately God has been revealing some things to me and one of them is how selfish I was in expecting you to be perfect while I was a mess. I’m sorry I held you to that expectation.” Another memorable mom moment that will be stored forever. We (my two sons and me) didn’t have a lot of those exchanges (very, very few) over his life as the turmoil (not always his) was often on an extreme level of struggle. To see him enjoy a quiet birthday as an adult and to pour out a blessing over me was an inward major change and brings peace to my heart.
And, it's been a healing process in his heart which is separate from the healing in mine that can only come from God. In Scotland, I am in a Hope Group that uses nothing but the Word of God for changing lives. And, if you were to take the original 12 Steps of recovery you would see that they line up with the truths of Scripture in every way. For those of us who believe in the Living God we are being transformed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 says “That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day.” And, we walk with each other for support, encouragement and compassion.
This little update doesn’t cover the years between my posts, but it does ring through with all the things I’ve spoken of before. Never lose hope! Ever!! This has been a 30 year journey for Cliff and me since he was on the path of destruction. The path of destruction may look appealing, but it's a pure lie. Our lives were full of pain, sorrow and regret - faith didn't make this walk a breeze. The narrow path to healing was hard work and full of stumbles and re-starts. But, if God is part of your life and recovery, you can be sure He will walk with you every step of the way and the one you love too, if they will ask. Let Him lead.
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit"
Romans 15:13 NLT
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