Yes? No?

Being a recovering codependent isn't easy. What others do day in and day out "just because" isn't so easy for one like me. We scrutinize our every  move. We question many of our day to day decisions as to whether or not we are being enabling or codependent. It happens at home, at work and even among extended family gatherings. Sigh.

Truly, ignorance is bliss. Sometimes.

I'm amazed at what I've learned about myself in the past 3 years. I've spent many years in and out of counseling offices, for which I am grateful. They were helpful and necessary for the times when I needed it but enabling and codependency never came up. Maybe the symptoms didn't reveal themselves so easily. I maintain that often, some things we do are simply out of love as a mother, wife, friend, sister or daughter. It seems that in many relationships I was just fine. The relationships where my sickness became so enmeshed with life are the relationships that were closest to me. Being a wife and mother. How could I have been so sick? Was I always this way or did it develop as a means of trying to survive unhealthy situations? I suppose this could be answered as easily as which came first, the chicken or the egg.

All I know is that now my eyes are wide open and I'm checking myself often. It truly helps at work and at home when I put into practice a healthy mindset. Learning to say no, without waiting until I'm pushed into an overwhelmed state of mind, is so much nicer. Because I've learned (and am still learning) to say no when it's appropriate, my yes is truer. I can say yes without guilt because I say no when it's good for me ~and for others. I'm learning that saying no doesn't make me a big meanie and saying yes only when it's good for me frees me up to enjoy what I'm committing too instead of feeling overwhelmed and resentful. If I'm not clear on yes or no for me, I may as well consult the magic 8 ball, and we know how that works out!

The 12 steps and God's word works for me!

"And don't say anything you don't mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, 'I'll pray for you,' and never doing it, or saying, 'God be with you,' and not meaning it. You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong."
                                           Matt 5:33-37 (The MSG)

All pics googled*

7 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Laura, great post. One I certainly relate to. Thank you for sharing. Glad the three years of t. has helped you. Blessings dear.

Jennifer said...

This is such an appropriate read for me today - I also enjoy your writing style very much!

Marlene said...

Wow; I really get this. And I have to say a lot of us have some co-dependencies. Last night I heard Beth Moore say some Christians eat the seed when they should plant it. When we eat the seed (the word of God) we fill up on it, but our lives don't change. When we plant it and give it to God we get a harvest. Thanks for letting me read and comment.

Laura said...

Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to read and your kind comments. Marlene, good analogy from Beth Moore. Love here stuff. Feel free to read and comment anytime at all!

OneBigHappy said...

hey! -- Did not realize you were running a blog! How totally cool. I will have to do some catching up on what you've been doing here.

Syd said...

Thanks for this Laura. I don't like the piousness that I often heard in organized religion. But I respect what I hear in Al-Anon. I may not always agree but understand that each of us has to find our own path through the maze of life.

~Tracey~ said...

Really good post, Laura. So much of it rings true. I have a friend that is really struggling with codependency right now, recently divorced. She's having alot of trouble standing up for herself and getting into healthy relationships and I have been working on that myself as well.