On My Knees

She was sitting almost directly across from me. As we began our meeting, many attenders passed when the option to share came to them. This mom looked a little weary, pale and sad. It seems her addict has relapsed again. I don't know any more about this mom than that. I don't know the drug of choice, the recovery length, or even the gender of her addict. All I know is the mom spoke of her own relapse in the process of this life cycle. She found herself repeatedly trying to reach her addict by phone just as she'd done so many times before. Every sentence, every mannerism and every facial expression was as if I was watching my un-recovered self in the mirror. It certainly had me on my toes, so to speak, to be wary and aware of my own recovery should Cliff relapse again. He will be released in under two weeks and the elephant is trying to move in, trunk and all. I refuse to let it take up residence in this house ever again. I don't want to see myself in that frame of mind ever again.

On my knees in prayer and on my toes aware.

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Lou said...

We're wired to care, can't get around that. We just have to learn to not care until we have nothing left for anyone else or ourselves.

TraceyBaby said...

This reminds me how lucky I am to know where my son is.

He is using again, not heavily yet. He is working. He has an apartment. There are still things to be grateful for.

Here's to keeping serene no matter what turns Cliff's life takes.

Annette said...

It always amazes me how powerful that dang phone seems to be. It pulls me to itself. I walk around with my cell in my hand on bad days. Hoping to hear, but fighting the compulsion to call. Over and over again.

Cat said...

The power of meetings for me is exactly what ou have written here - to remind me what I can do and where I have been. I dont know how I missed this post - but I found it now!