The Eve

It's the eve of our reunion, Cliff and me, and my feelings are fleeting and swift between excitement and joy, and, a bit of anxiousness and guarded love. My natural tendency has always been to go full throttle into the relationships of life. I've never held back any affection from those I love and I really don't want to do that now. I just know that God is in this and will keep my heart safely in His hands as I have been learning a healthy detachment from the issues at hand. Not from the person, but from the problems. Less than 12 hours from now, my house will be changed. There will be two occupants, two coffee drinkers, two funny people living here.

I have the rest of this week off from work in order to get re-settled in this house with another adult. Oh, it may be a dance of sorts as we shift and sift, sort and settle. In my way of thinking the majority of the shifting should be on Cliff's part as he comes back home again and tries to find his place in this world but I know that anytime two people share a space, there will be compromising and shifting.

I'm sure it will be scary in ways I don't even know. Having to face life, family and reality without the crutch of a drink or a needle will probably be intimidating. Especially as the holidays approach! Maybe not at first as there's sure to be a natural "honeymoon" of sorts. That re-adjusting period of being around someone all the time will be major for me. And for Cliff, being around someone other than a cell mate and 200 other men dressed alike will be a major adjustment too. In the beginning there will be stories to share, hugs to catch up on and, I hope, peace to be enjoyed. I don't think I'm being naive when I say that the next few weeks will be fine. It will be when the dust settles and the stars in the sky aren't so clear that life may become more of a challenge. Cliff has to find work, which in Michigan, is nearly impossible for someone who's lived a clean life, let alone an addict who has a felony because of his drug usage.

But, God has promised a future and hope to one who puts their trust in Him. I do, and therefore I know that something will come of this for me. What comes for Cliff has yet to be determined but I also know that I will see the hand of God working and weaving as it has so effortlessly this past year. Tomorrow night, Cliff and I will sit at a Twelve Step meeting together for the first time. He will meet my newest, dearest friends and I'm thinking that in due time Cliff will count them the same. Yet, Cliff will make his own friends and claim his own sponsors. He will work this program differently than I but hopefully, with the same results as we seek a common goal. This past year has been a growing and changing year for both of us, all for the better. I can hardly wait to see what I have to write about next Thanksgiving. I hope I'm still blogging and hope that I'll be bragging for God!

Leaving it all in the Hands of the One who has been piecing us back together!

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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Lou said...

Your friends are here for you & Cliff. Onward to tomorrow with uplifted hearts!

Cat said...

Your post sounds so hopeful and exciting, change is good and I am wishing you & Cliff much success!


J-Online said...

What a wonderful way to celebrate Thanksgiving this year. You and Cliff will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this new journey together. God Bless. Jenn

Heather said...

Saying extra prayers and sending hugs your way. I can't wait to see how God works things out for Cliff's life. Enjoy your Thanksgiving...there is so much to give thanks for this year. :0)

Syd said...

It sounds good for you and Cliff. Hope that you have a great time together.


God bless as you and Cliff start on a new path in this journey of life and sobriety.

Happy Thanksgiving to you both.

Prayer Girl

Anonymous said...

Way to go Sis, I'm glad you are heading right off with him into a 12 step program.
Keep me posted and he can call or email me anytime.
The Piggy Bank Kid

mother of drug addict said...

Good luck and hope you have a great future and holiday season.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Just wanted to say his drug addiction did not commit the crime, He did. He may have been high when he committed the crime, but he was not framed by his drug addiction.

Laura said...

Yes, he did the crime and I've never tried to condone his activity or keep him from paying his dues. His addiction took him down many paths...and now being clean is taking him to new places, new friends and real goals that he is meeting.

God is good and you get a second, third, fourth, etc., chance. Yay! :)