I'm here to tell you that as things are today in your life, they shall not remain. You may still be taking two steps forward and three steps back, but as long as you're moving and starting again, you're making progress. Yay, you! Even as recently as three years ago, my family was still at opposite ends of cohesiveness and understanding where each person ought to be. Similarly to a chess board in mid-play we all seemed to be watching each other guardedly and making decisions based on what we thought each other should do. Each of us had our place on this board and often our challenges ended in a stale-mate. Ugh. What a waste of time and energy those days seemed to be. Recovery however, was continuing to shape me, mold me and teach me things about myself that I didn't "get" before. Trusting God became much more natural in my daily views on life. Oh, I thought I had been doing that for years and it turns out I was, but not for myself. That's because in my old patterns of behavior and character defect I thought taking care of everyone else's business was my role in life. Everyone else thought 'heck yeah, if she wants to do this, let her!" And so it goes.
I'm so thankful that God has brought me through these steps carefully and continues to allow me to peel back layer by layer and take step by step, inch by inch. He's so good that way because He never demands an overwhelming task from me. He guides me with His hand and takes me through a sometimes tricky and prickly path of life only to find beautiful fragrances and heavenly views along the way. I found myself saying to no one in particular how lovely it is that my family is simply doing life, just as God planned all along. And I've learned that when I am not supposed to move, I stand on the foundations of God's truths and the 12 steps that give clarity to my thinking and choices so that I'm not darting sporadically trying to make changes happen, but standing firmly and moving with purpose and direction.
And so to finish my tale, yesterday I had a lovely visit with Son #1 and his family. They bring me so much love and joy I can't find the right words to convey all that I am feeling. Tonight Cliff called to talk about his day. He's now busy finding his way entirely on his own in another state. I told him I was happy he was finding his place and having such great successes, small as they may seem. At the end of our chat Cliff said to me, "I guess I had to be thrown in to the water to see if I could sink or swim. I guess I'm a swimmer! I always thought I'd be a sinker but it turns out I'm not!" I could hear the smile from here.
Take a look at the 12 steps and partner it up with God's promises. You will be counting your steps into a new life too. Guaranteed.
