What Kind of Boat?

Working hard to be set free from the past that tries to entangle me and keep me from soaring sounds so simple but it's very hard work. There are days I feel as if my feet are stuck in a pool of molasses. As the New Year approached, I determined that this year is going to be very different from the last 55. Or at least the last 30'ish adult years of my life.

That being said, I'm currently enrolled in a teleseminar hosted by a life coach to help me get unstuck. The 12 steps and my faith walk are helping me become unstuck, as I can testify to the changed woman I am from two years ago, but I want to move out onto dreams that are mine to live and are attainable for me. Getting from A to B though, is tricky at times. I determined that this year I will:

  • De-clutter (not only my spaces but my calendar)
  • Make healthier choices
  • Write more for a purpose

Today I had to meet with a dietitian and a diabetes counselor. Yay. I've been battling Type 2 diabetes for a number of years now, and the army surrounds me with weapons aimed and I'm alone in my defense. I've managed my mental and physical health poorly for years as I chased after an addict while he chased after his addiction. So today, my addict and I went to visit with the two professionals to review and see what changes I can make to rid myself of some of the pitfalls of diabetes. I must say that it was nice to have my addict care about me and support me this way. What a life change for both of us. Anyway, after meeting with the pros I've reached a life plan that's manageable and I can begin today. Small changes are impending with great big results looming. :)

Tonight was our first teleseminar conference call and the coach threw out several questions, such as what is your mindful intention this year, or what one word or theme will guide you through the next 90 days. The question I liked was "If you were in a boat, what kind of boat would you be in?" As other attendees answered the question of their choice a visual came to mind about me and my boat. Forgive my descriptions as I don't really know boats except that they keep me out of the deep water, and since I'm not a good swimmer, the boat is my friend.

First, I pictured myself sitting in the bottom of a flat bottomed, deep sided, row boat of sorts. I'm sitting in the middle on the bottom and my arms are over my head as I'm reaching up to grasp onto each side of the boat. Imagine Lily Tomlin when she was Edith Ann. The chair consumed her and so does my boat. It keeps me safe inside and away from all that I fear about deep water. This visual, I think, describes me as I WAS.

Quickly though and more accurately for the present I saw myself as Bill Murray in "What About Bob?", one of my very favorite movies. Bob decided to take the challenge one day and learn to sail. Suddenly you see him strapped safely to the front of the boat, with his life jacket secured. Bob's arms are stretched wide open and the wind is rushing against him and he calls out "I'm Sailing! I Sail! Look at me, I'm a sailor!"

And that's going to be me this year. Sailing with safety straps, as I've learned through recovery to not throw every caution to the wind and just jump.....

But watch me soar!

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
Isaiah 40:31