Like most, it's been a year of huge struggle, waiting with bated breath to find out exactly how the economy would hit us and where. Being in the state with the worst economic numbers it's been difficult and depressing at times. Yet, the company I work for has been blessed with a turn around that came as a wonderful surprise due to the unfortunate demise of another very large company. I can hardly believe that less than four months ago I watched my boss closely each Friday to find out if there would be a job waiting for me the following Monday. Now work awaits me each morning when I arrive!
And, maybe like you, our family has said good-bye to some beloved family members whose time has come and we are sort of bracing for the next adieu as our large family is aging gracefully. Many tears of joy and tears of sorrow have been shed this year believing that this is a necessary part of life, growth and change.
How timely that at my meeting the other night the topic was "relapse" as we looked hard at Step Eleven.
"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out."
I wonder when I'll get life right. Sometimes I long for something that I can't have nor can I do anything about. Recently, I caught myself spinning my wheels and grieving almost as much as I did when I had to chase an addict yet this had nothing whatsoever to do with Cliff! I realized that I'm still digging out of old patterns and behaviors and that sometimes it still hurts. Evidently I still like to wear my rose-colored glasses and flip through the Norman Rockwell Family album certain that I'll find my clan there. Finally, I got my feelings back in check and was able to get a healthy grip on myself and my parameters of living. And so the saying that recovery is a process, not perfection, gets applied to my soul like a good sun screen. It's only helpful when I remember to use it.
So Auld Lang Syne, my friends: "We'll drink a cup of kindness yet for times gone by."
I'll have mine with marshmallows and sprinkles, while wearing my rosey glasses and tap shoes, thank you very much!
Somethings may never change! ;)