Cliff has been comfortable calling me on a fairly regular basis. I'm always glad to talk with him, especially this time around. He's really been different and I have to believe that even if Cliff doesn't realize it, God is working in his heart and life. It's throughout his conversation. This past week when he called and we were talking in general, Cliff said he wanted to tell me something. We had been talking of my letters and about some of the copies of this blog I've sent to him. He said he thought of writing me a letter but since we were talking he may as well just tell me.
I said "no, don't! I'd much rather get a letter!" So, I got my letter.
Well it's Wednesday, just another day to me. I talked to you a good bit yesterday so I don't have much to write.
I'll start by commenting on your writings. You may or may not have thought that some of them might be hurtful. But if you have thought it, don't worry. It's a little hard to read sometimes because of the shame, but it's not hurtful. I think your writing is healthy for you and me. It's good for me to hear about this stuff from your perspective. You've told me how you felt before but it has sunk in more reading it. You've already heard my apologies, but they will mean nothing until I change, which I have. But you won't be able to see it until I'm on your side of the fence again. Thank you again for the chance to show it. We will heal and learn together instead of against one another. I love you Mom.
This letter will go with the few other keepsakes I've saved over the years from people I love. It assures me that God is hearing my prayers, and the prayers of others for Cliff and giving me a peace that passes all understanding. It brings me peace not just because Cliff wrote down some nice words, but because Cliff's words have been consistently the same this year. No wavering from day to day or week to week. No more blaming. I'm not naive enough to think that we won't let each other down or that there won't be a relapse. But overriding the typical thoughts of possible results, is faith in God's touch on Cliff's life and mine. He is with us, no matter what.
Staying in the present and looking forward to the future, no matter what the outcome.