Tomorrow Cliff has a parole hearing, his first since being sentenced. His earliest release date is sometime in November. He's rather new at this part and so am I. This is his first time in a state correctional facility as opposed to county. The other day I heard another mother say something along the lines of "how many letters did they get and how many classes they completed can determine if they get flopped."

Hmmmm.....the lingo is new to me, but I'm catching on. The procedures, though, I'm not. Why, oh why, in the system of corrections is it so hard to find out what you need to know? I'm sure the information is out there but if you've ever tried to reach anyone at a facility you know why I shudder. It's a nightmare and you need to not be at a desk 8 to 9 hours a day as an employee so you can be available to search and call and find out the answers to your questions and how the system works. I've never had the privilege nor the network. Maybe now, I'm getting that connection.

The flip side is, Cliff needs to be asking more questions where he is and not from the other incarcerees (I made that up!). The counselor he's assigned to at his facility seems to be there on a less than regular basis. He told me last night that he has a low average, which can play against him. He's violated probation so many times and had juvenile offenses that also come into play. However, he's a non-violent offender and with the over-crowding situation he may have his ticket punched to walk out. I'm really not anxious about this. I figure it's in God's hands and He knows how I feel about this. I'm just getting my health and well being back together and have such a long way to go to resolve so many of the effects financially that was compounded by loving a Cliff. I'm learning and setting more boundaries every day.

If Cliff is flopped for another year I may not be so sad, except that I hate to think this will become his way of life.

But if he's released and not prepared for this way of life, I'll flip! I really think I need more time, God willing.

I love him....but you know the rest....


Fractalmom said...

it's in God's hands. Be calm.

Lou said...

This one hits close to home..I will be asking you're advice when my time comes.
I know how hard this is for you. I know you are hopeful,but scared.I don't know what to say, but you have your fellowship for comfort. Lean on us.
You will be in my thoughts & prayers tomorrow.

cedrorum said...

I hope everything goes as well as can be tomorrow.

pat said...

I wish I had answers for you but I do not. The system is slow and I would not want to go down that route again with my own son.

AlkySeltzer said...

L., Life is BIG. And is at times SO frustrating, especially the parenting part. Our second Step comes to mind (Ha! OFTEN!). Of course, it is about believing in a Higher Power. So yes, I believe, yes? Or I wouldn't BE here! Probably. But do I TRUST? Do I deep down trust that He is in charge of every little thing? That He LOVES me? That He loves everyone 100%, as only a God can? That He wants no harm to come to me?

BUT, He allows me to make my own bed...He may not do for me what I could or CAN do for myself!
Love, from Naples
Steve E.

Shadow said...

you sound so calm about this.... i'd be in a state. i get both your 'arguments' though too, and they do make sense. and then again, what's the use of worrying, what will be, will be. good luck and lots strength!