Overwhelmingly Grateful

Overwhelmingly grateful.

Ten years ago I didn't think that life would be what it is today. I was making changes left and right trying to find my place in this world. My sons were just barely adults but trying to find their way too, and that path included the world of alcohol and addiction.

The years moved along sometimes up, sometimes down, but never free from concern and worry on my part.

Fast forward to 2009....

Son #1 and Lovely Espousa are living lives like so many others their age who are working hard and loving their families. They are raising Mini-Chick with bundles of love, laughter and some definite rules. I love that she already has manners in her normal routine not to mention it's pretty darn cute to hear this little person say "your welcome" and "oh, sorry" when it's appropriate.

Today, Son #1 and Lovely Espousa welcomed Beautiful Bambina to their crew. Lillia Grace weighed in at a noticeable 8lbs, 9 ozs and 21-1/2" long. Lovely, lovely baby. Lovely, lovely, family.

Cliff is also doing well and day by day states out loud how much he loves this life and has no plan, desire or thoughts of turning back. He is finding his place too in this world as a viable, productive part of society. No longer taking away but contributing. He has friends, true friends, for the first time in his life. No hidden agendas and no shady behaviors.

Remaining in the palm of God's hand, I'm overwhelmingly grateful.

The Early Bird

Why is it that the days I don't have to be up and out the door at a reeling pace, I awaken at 3:00 am? Since our hours have been reduced at work, we work 9 hour days 4 days a week. I have come to like this schedule because it offers all of us one day off per week and once a month that's a long weekend. Wooo hooo! This one's mine and here I sit.

Actually I have a wonderful morning planned. Son #1 and Lovely Espousa are awaiting Beautiful Bambina II and wouldn't it be grand if she made her entrance this weekend?!? Lovely Espousa is going to the docs this morning to gage Bambina's development and consider inducing next week, so I will keep company with Mini-chick this morning. Yay! I can't imagine a better way to start my day.

I had great ambitions this year to be more timely and consistent with my writing but life has other plans for me. The past six weeks have been crazy, I tell ya! I've been busier than I like to be but it's all been necessary for this season in my life. So with my anticipated long weekend, I will keep a few commitments I made, some for fun and some for growth. I will feast with Mini-chick on pancakes and eggs and walk while the morning birds sing for joy that spring is sort of springing. We will dance and laugh and pretend shop of which she's an expert. I will snooze at will and sing at large. I will read for pleasure and read for learning.

Now, I will brew a great pot of coffee in my percolator and bring in the day with meditation and prayer and ask God to take me into this day with joy no matter what comes my way. I may even be asking Him to let Mini-chick nap, so I can too. :)

Have a fantastic Friday!

From Past to Future

"Before, I used to see myself as a man with a past.

Now, I know I'm a man with a future and it's a good one."

This past week Cliff was asked to share at his Men's Fellowship meeting about what the last 10 weeks meant to him. He's been part of this group since his release from prison just as he's been part of recovery meetings. Men's fellowship meets every Thursday morning at 6:00 am which is a statement and a half to me. In the past Cliff would growl and hiss at 6:00 am, not only to me but to anything else related to that hour. Now, he embraces this time with enthusiasm; more, he embraces this group of men with admiration and affection. Cliff likes having a group that isn't recovery related and I don't blame him. I have groups I participate in also that aren't specific to recovery and I like that too. I know that recovery meetings have enhanced my life and has been a huge part of Cliff being able to make statements about his future with promise, but it's vital to have a balance, especially in recovery.

Time and again Cliff has said to me that he loves his life now and has no desire to go back to his former ways. He's true to his recovery and true to his faith. He struggles at times because he hasn't been able to secure any kind of work other than an occasional odd job, but his whole life is different because of the balance of recovery meetings and men's fellowship.

Ditto for me.

I have often thought of myself as someone dragging through this life with a past. "Oh, woe is me!" is the way I functioned though I was unaware that I was carrying and wearing that badge of honor. Time and again I think to myself how much I love my life now too, even with the struggles of finances and an oppressive sense of foreboding the media would like me to buy into. Time and again I am amazed how the 12 steps has deepened my faith and walk with the Lord. It's revealed to me so much more about how powerless I am over others and their struggles and just how magnificently powerful God is in my own life. I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness at just how much He loves me and longs for me to be close to Him so He can whisper sweet things in my ear that guide me through my day and through my heartaches.

Before, I used to see myself as a woman dragging her past along with her. Now, I'm a woman with a future and it is bright!!

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A Golden Life

If there's one thing I have to say about life now, is that it's golden. Not everything is perfect and, in fact, some things are still difficult but it's so much greater than before.

Before what?

Before recovery meetings for me. This week was exceptional at my table. There were woman of various situations and we had two 16 year old girls that returned from the week before who said they can't wait for Tuesday! Meeting them the week before was impressive as they quietly and maturely shared a little bit in the midst of women who could be their moms.

Sitting next to me on Tuesday was a shadow of my former self. This mom is in great pains and often reflects a lot of anger in her demeanor without saying a word. Another picture of my former self shared about her son being picked up for a violation of which they just bonded him out on the week before. This past pick up, she left him alone. It was excruciatingly difficult to wait and listen for her to choose her words as she hung her head in hurt, shame and despair, while feeling a little bit better for not rescuing her adult son. It was a HUGE first step in her recovery but those steps don't initally feel so good. Learning to remove emotions from our response is a hard life lesson.

I could only share to this mixed group of beautiful women to work the steps, get an accountability partner or sponsor and work the steps again. Through that work they will hopefully have a spiritual awakening and find that they will receive great mercy, grace and strength to be a healthy woman in recovery. They can have a golden life too if they find the freedom that the 12 steps will bring.

All the hard work is worth

the reward of internal peace and joy.

Sharing The Gift

It's been a busy year so far. Good busy. Our hours have been cut back at work in order to save our jobs. While the budget is crying the blues, I rather like having one day off each week. I could get used to this very quickly. Today is my second of these "free flowing" days and I've managed to fill it up with activity again.

I'm hoping for a call today from Son #1 or Lovely Espousa. We're waiting semi-patiently for the arrival of bambino #2! I can hardly believe that I get to be the grandmother of 2 little girls! Having only borne sons, I am delighting in the little life of Mini-chick.

Every little thing she does is magic....

The door has been opening up more and more for me regarding the passion I have for the "limping women" in our society. I see this as a result of embracing the 12th Step which has bolstered up my faith even more. For years I have read the Word of God and believed in what He said. But there were areas in my life that I just couldn't release, let go or walk away from. There was still the old self in there, trying to tell me that I couldn't be different than I was or restored to the person that God had created me to be. Oh, the lost years!!

Finally, after embracing and trusting His promises I had that deeper Spiritual Awakening. Entering into His presence on a consistent, daily basis and leaving every little detail at His feet has freed me up to naturally do my service work, which isn't work at all. It's just time.

What better way to spend my time than sharing with others the grace of Almighty God who will take absolutely every past memory, every problem, habit and infliction and remove it from my today and my future? That He will provide strength to stand in the midst of struggles with ourselves and those we love is an amazing gift.

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs"

Step 12

"If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit"

Gal 5:25

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Detroit In All Her Glory

It was on O’Donnell’s blog that she first made comments about Detroit. After landing in the city to shoot a Lifetime movie, O’Donnell wrote, "I'm here in Detroit, Michigan where the recession is already the depression. Hard to believe unless you see it. We must save this city." 2008

Months later, as O'Donnell prepares for the Feb. 28 debut of "America," the Lifetime network movie she filmed in and around Detroit, she still doesn't understand why there isn't more awareness across the country of the economic tsunami that's hit here.
Detroit Free Press, 2/20/09, Julie Hinds

Detroit is one of the cities people love to hate. I have never figured that out but you see it in the national news, the sports news and now the financial news. Granted, in Detroit some things have not been done well or handled properly but there are still a lot of regular people here, decent hard working people, trying to live life like everyone else. A few real facts about Detroit:

• In 2005, Detroit was the nations poorest big city.



• In December 2008, Detroit's unemployment rate was 21%, according to some articles.



• We have been in recession since 2001 and are officially considered in Depression.
  

This is not a surprise to those who live here but seems to be relatively unnoticed by the rest of the nation including Washington and those who are determining the future of the Auto Companies. Mismanaged? Yes. Alone in this boat? No. Ten years ago, companies were not under scrutiny as they are now as long as everyone was getting paid. Big bonuses for big producers or owners was expected and considered the American Way. I don't really have an opinion either way about the right or wrong of Big Business (well okay I have an opinion but am not writing about that now). Life always goes along unnoticed until we or someone we love hits the wall and is suddenly affected. Only then do we sit up and take notice.

“Many people are first-timers — they have no idea how to navigate the system, how to qualify for food stamps,” Wells said. “Last year, some were donors — now they’re clients.” The Founder

The funniest thing about Detroit is that we are known to be the most generous people in the nation despite the hard times we experience. We are truly givers; we root for the underdog and we always lend a hand. This past Friday, Radio Personality, Dick Purtan of WOMC held the 22nd annual radio marathon at a local mall and raised $2,262,931.00 for the Salvation Army's Bed and Bread Truck ministry that meets the needs of thousands of hungry, cold and homeless people in Detroit. School aged children held functions in their schools, businesses struggling to maintain a "business as usual" demeanor collected from their staffs to donate, and children as young as 6 years old gave earned money to the collection plate. One little child came to the marathon with their own .78 cents and that donation will feed someone a meal. In the Detroit area alone, the Salvation Army serves over 5000 meals per day and shelters approximately 550 people each night.

It's hard to believe that a donation of .78 cents matters but every penny counts. The Salvation Army makes every dollar work and during the marathon countless stories are told over and over by those who've received financial help and life changing guidance in the past and are now giving back. In the midst of the worst economic woes I've seen in my lifetime, southeast Michigan and others who've come to love this program, come through once again.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why:

I was hungry and you fed me,

I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,

I was homeless and you gave me a room,

I was shivering and you gave me clothes,

I was sick and you stopped to visit,

I was in prison and you came to me.'

'Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?'

Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.'

Matthew 25:35-40 (The Message)

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