Mankind

Nurturing my 18 year old car, day by day, has not been without incident. I acquired this little gem after driving my 15 year old van to it's death. Literally, the engine was falling out as the unibody frame had rusted away. Suffice it to say I don't drive new cars. Vehicles have always been nothing more to me than a means to get from here to --> there.

So, day after day, week after week, I've been praying and pleading for my little old white haired lady to keep on going. One morning in mid-December my employer overheard my retelling of one of my more adventurous commutes and called me aside. He made me an offer I couldn't refuse. His wife's van, a 2003 Chrysler Town and Country van has about 100,000 miles on it and they've decided to upgrade. He asked if I would be interested in purchasing this van at a very good price for very EASY terms. Without hesitation I said "Yes!" This was a direct answer to prayer, to be sure! My employer, of all people, knows my income. Even if I had enviable credit, my budget is to tight to have a real car payment and I don't think any lender would offer the terms I'm getting. He asked if I could hold out until the beginning of January. I thought I would be okay till then. Sooooooooooooooooooooo anywhooooooooooooooooooooo.

Yesterday, I dropped Cliff off for his parole appointment and he had arranged transportation from there and I headed to work. My little lady has really been a trooper through this winter of all winters and here I was urging her to keep on truckin'. She was just too tired, I guess. I wasn't more than a mile from where I dropped Cliff when I began to feel her shuddering and dragging her feet. I pulled into the nearest parking lot to get off the street and suddenly noticed that she just shut down. No coughing, no gasping or sputtering....no she was dignified about the whole thing and just closed her eyes and said "I just need a nap, really." So there I sat.

I called one friend who I knew was usually home during the day. She would get ready to come my way, but wasn't ready to jump out the door just yet. I sat for a while amidst the snow piles and noticed the beautiful blue sky. Thankfully, the sun was beaming and so while it was only about 4* outside, I was staying pretty warm inside the car. After about 5 minutes, I turned the key and voila! She's Alive, Alive!!! Warming up little missy for at least 10 minutes, it appeared that all systems were go, so cautiously I began to venture to my destination 27 miles away. On the phone with my transportation friend, I was checking an alternative route to work when little lady began to slow down again......poor thing. Sho 'nuff, she said no more and closed her eyes again. I was on a rather busy 4 lane road, but thankfully I was already as far to the right as I could be and at the light of a busy intersection. While everything shut down without even a hint of life, I turned the key to the off position and turned on my flashers. Those, at least, did their job. I made some calls and got a hold of a tow truck company who was 5 minutes away from me. Yay, God!

The point of another saga in the life of Laura is to say that my heart was warmed by several people who offered some help. I had already made contact with the tow truck when a large pickup truck pulled up behind me and a large man approached my window and offered to move me or help me. I declined as there wasn't anywhere else to put me that was better than where I was, but he was friendly and kind and went on his way. Not three minutes later, I heard someone honking and looked around to see a woman waving her cell phone out the window at me, offering for me to use it. I did all kinds of international hand motions to let her know I was fine.

The tow truck driver arrived a few minutes later and I was soon inside a warm cab and heading to the hospital with little lady. But I was truly thankful for the kindness offered to me on this cold winter's day. Despite everything we read and hear there still are people out there like you and me who care about others around them and offer help to one in need.

Oh by the way, the happy ending of this story is that I will have my new van tomorrow and Cliff, who's been working odd jobs, will be acquiring little old lady for a mere pittance.

The End.


*All pics googled*

Think First!

Through the years, my words have been in training.

My dearly departed mother was a strong-willed gal who spoke her mind often. She believed in giving her opinion often without an invitation. She may have been right most of the time, but as you know, this opinion giving is usually not appreciated.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree so my words, as previously stated, have been in training. More specifically, my brain to mouth syntax. I'm of the opinion, due to many previous word wounds, that what I'm thinking doesn't have to be shared. The truth must be spoken, but not just because I know the facts. Reading the scriptures for years has been driving this point home and at times I go along willingly. Other times, the redhead living in my skin bucks the system so, 99.9% of the time when I do buck the system I end up eating my words and/or regretting them.

Yesterday's "Courage to Change" talked about thinking before speaking even when I'm right about something being discussed. If I haven't been invited to join a conversation, or if I hear something that could be repeated as gossip, I need to be quiet. Keeping a matter to myself doesn't make me deceitful or a liar because I didn't share what I know especially if I haven't been asked or it isn't my information to give. This discipline makes me truthworthy and discerning. Learning to think before I speak has not been without pain, but it's been worth the result.

With that, the Bible says:

"Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don't miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out."

Col 4:5-6 The Message

I like that goal and aim to practice it daily ~ Have a great Friday!

Thursday Already!

Oh My Gosh.........It's Thursday already and I haven't written a thing all week!!!!!

Looks like it ain't happenin' now either!

*Granddaughter's pic..she feels me*

Sunday Snow

We had a glorious snowfall yesterday. This must be about the 12th significant snow this season! This morning began quietly with coffee and Cliff as we chit-chatted about life in general while I began some spaghetti sauce for dinner. Eventually we ventured to church and then parted ways for varying commitments. Cliff met with his sponsor and I met with mini-chick!

She's a completely independent 2 year old now with every bit of fun you can imagine! Mimicking others, making up some words of her own and definitely has an agenda to go with it. She and I bundled up and spent quite a bit of time outdoors in the beautiful winter sun. She's quick to say "nope" and LOVES getting her picture taken. I didn't plan on having trees grow out of the top of her head, but was so caught up with her I never noticed!

After a wonderful time together, I came home and finished preparing our dinner, dined alone in coveted quiet time and will spend the evening doing a bit of this and that.

It's the perfect Sabbath rest to prepare me for a new work week!

One More Drag

Cliff couldn't have been released from prison at a better time. You may have heard from Lou's blog that prisons are removing tobacco sales from the inmates. I'm not sure who came up with this brainy idea but I think it's adding gasoline to a smoking compost pile. Yep, it is. I know all the controversy surrounding this topic, but imagine yourself in a place with 4,000 men who have had, and should in most cases, every freedom taken from their lives. Forced celibacy, withdrawals and rehab hardly ever are successful, peaceful life-changing tactics. Let them have one vice.

Anyway.....

Remember "Grandpa B" , Cliff's prison cellmate? I received a letter from him the other day. He's one of the prisoners I write to and he is glad to get my letters because he wants to know how Cliff is faring these days. This last letter mentioned that Cliff couldn't have left at a better time due to the "no-smoking" ordinance set in the prisons. Grandpa B wrote that because of that ordinance, the place has become even more intolerable than ever before. Fights are breaking out left and right, people are getting hurt and cells are being broken into looking for tobacco purchased prior to the "no more sale" date. I know this all seems strange but its happening. Their cells are not like the movies, at least not at this prison. They're more like very small dorm rooms with steel doors on them that have narrow windows inserted to see into the cell. The inmates are given keys to their cell doors which has a $45.00 value attached in the event of losing or destroying them.

Grandpa also wrote that the inmates are extremely fidgety without tobacco, and drug use seems to have increased. Those who can get their hands on a cigarette are "paying" $4.00 per cigarette through their commissary items and rolling papers are equivalent to 2 bars of soap. Who knows what else they will do for just one more drag? The most startling piece of news in this letter was reading that just a few days prior one inmate died from an overdose.

Grandpa's letter makes me feel incredibly grateful to see Cliff home and witness the transformation God has made in his life. It also makes me feel incredibly sad to read that lives which we think are being somewhat saved from a life and death of street drugs by rules and restrictions are still being controlled by the drugs for which they are most likely incarcerated.

People are dying on the streets and dying in the prisons from the same poison. Someone's son, brother, uncle, father, and friends lives are up in smoke....

*All Pics Googled*

UpWords

From Max Lucado "In the Eye of the Storm" I share the following (Max was using the analogy that a wise captain shifts the direction of his craft according to the signal of the lighthouse and we would be wise to live our lives the same way, thus the list):

Herewith, then, are the lights I look for and the signals I heed:



-- Love God more than you fear hell.


-- Once a week, let a child take you on a walk.


-- Make major decisions in a cemetery.


-- When no one is watching, live as if someone is.


-- Succeed at home first.


-- Don't spend tomorrow's money today.


-- Pray twice as much as you fret.


-- Listen twice as much as you speak.


-- Only harbor a grudge when God does.


-- Never outgrow your love of sunsets.


-- Treat people like angels; you will meet some and help make some.


-- 'Tis wiser to err on the side of generosity than on the side of scrutiny.


-- God has forgiven you; you'd be wise to do the same.


-- When you can't trace God's hand, trust his heart.


-- Toot your own horn and the notes will be flat.


-- Don't feel guilty for God's goodness.


-- The book of life is lived in chapters, so know your page number.


-- Never let the important be the victim of the trivial.


-- Live your liturgy.



To sum it all up: Approach life like a voyage on a schooner. Enjoy the view. Explore the vessel. Make friends with the captain. Fish a little. And then get off when you get home.





Have a joy-filled day.

Purposeful Living

I woke up this morning at 4:15 am. Sometimes I welcome this early start to my day, but most times I wish I could sleep just a bit longer. After flipping back and forth in bed I decided to get up. There was a light on at the kitchen table and, lo and behold, Cliff was sitting there with a cup of coffee and reading his AA book. What a sight! So, I grabbed coffee too and a great discussion began about our recovery's and God's touch on our lives.

Cliff is working his program really well, but I struggle at times because he isn't employed. I remind myself that his recovery is first and foremost. I remind myself that the economy is so bad that it may be a while before he has a job. The honeymoon is fading away as the reality of life sets in. We had a few words the other day about his place in this house. It was kind of funny because he started pulling out all the stops and tossing recovery phrases my way such as 'YOU need to do a step 4.........YOU owe me an apology for.....'

The more he demanded the less I responded. My old pattern would have been to stand my ground until he yielded out of respect toward me. Of course, it wouldn't have been respect for me at all but merely a begrudging action to get me off his back and it most likely would not have happened even though I would have expected it. After that little barrage of words, Cliff left to go to a meeting, which the old Cliff would not have done. Several hours later on his return a new Cliff walked in. Calmer, serene and apologetic. Recognizing our character defects is coming to both of us much quicker than in years past. The amends were made and life moved on. Cliff's attitude about being more responsible within these four walls has improved and it's showing in other areas of his life. My thoughts and attitude about Cliff's choices and my expectations are constantly being nipped and reshaped too. Learning to not offer the "you know, maybe you should...." and "why don't you...." expertise that I have (tongue-in-cheek) has improved our relationship tenfold.

With all that being said, I wanted to share something that I read this morning in Cliff's "Celebrate Recovery" bible. This bible has many "extras" for those in recovery such as daily meditations geared toward specific steps and life connection excerpts. Good, good stuff.

Under Life Connection it says:

"Before recovery, our substance addictions, our compulsive habits, or our codependency were our master. But God wants us to choose him as our master - not so he can pull our strings and control us, but so we can follow him freely as our great and compassionate guide. The first master forces us into slavery; the second invites us to experience freedom, healing and purposeful living." I love these reminders.

Have a purposeful day!

*All Pics Googled*

Launching....

...into the new year has been an amazing feeling. Compared to last year or years gone by it stands alone, proud and strong. It's really a gift that Cliff and I have each found our serenity through recovery at the same time in life. This was not orchestrated by me, but by the One who loves me unconditionally.

As the new year approached, I met with a few different women who mentor me in life; though different in our relationships they have each challenged me to work on my goal setting for 2009 and have each pointed out my strengths in an almost identical pattern. Neither one knew what the other was suggesting, yet both almost line up with each other as if they planned this path for me.

I've never really done well at goal setting. In years gone by, I thought about my goals a lot but they felt like lofty dreams ~ silly stuff, so to speak. I wanted so many things for myself but really didn't know how to get from here to there without a lot of work and change that seemed like impossible tasks. Being pulled and stuck in a chaotic way of life and thinking prohibited me from seeing through the muck to the other side. As the years continued to go by I simply began to feel that I'd missed my chance. That God would move onto the next person in fulfilling their vision, goal or dream as if He would grant our wishes with a magic wand. Now, I knew better than that. I knew God didn't perform magic tricks yet I seemed to "wish" my life away as I continued to live in that "never, never happen-land" where I wandered for years.

But this year is different. I feel it in my bones. I hear it in my thoughts and I hear it from others who are encouraging me and affirming that this isn't a lofty dream. I see it in my future in one form or another as God's giving me the ability to sit down and write out my goals with reasonable steps to reach them. Best of all, He literally dropped me into recovery meetings and gave me the 12 steps that have brought the serenity into my life to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

He isn't finished with me yet. Not by a long shot.

*All Pics Googled*

The Next Right Thing

Tonight Cliff and I were talking about our days, our recent meetings we've attended and what we've learned about ourselves. Cliff reminded me about a situation that happened in the last few weeks. It's not earth shattering but it is a milestone in his life.

A friend of Cliff's was picking him up for a meeting that they regularly attend. This particular friend has been quite generous in being Cliff's transportation to several meetings a week and part of the routine they've developed is that on the way to the meeting they stop and get "real coffee" from Tim Horton's or Starbucks. Friend always purchases one for Cliff. So that night, friend was coming by yet again, and I offered Cliff $10.00 to give to friend to buy two coffees and to put the rest in his gas tank. Since Cliff has been released from prison he hasn't once asked me for a dime. This in itself is a miracle in the making, especially since he hasn't found a job yet despite the persistent job search. I also know friend and his wife and their young family and how tight money is at their house too. I know I didn't have to offer the money; some may say that's codependency (controlling) or enabling issues, but I disagree. It was just a gesture of friendship from me to friend. Several hours later Cliff came home and he handed the $10.00 bill back to me. He said that friend wouldn't take it and that it's not out of his way, blah, blah, blah. Money's tight here too so quite frankly, I appreciated it and put it back in my wallet.

In our discussion tonight Cliff reminded me that in the past that money would have never made it back into my hands. He would have found a reason, an excuse, or just let me believe that it had gone to friend and I wouldn't have been the wiser. Cliff would have found a way to use that $10.00 in a less than savory way, as was his pattern. Nowadays, for $10.00 an addict can get something to meet that urge in one form or another.

This new kind of person living under my roof is proof that God has his hands on us, our situations and our choices if we do the next right thing. It's what Cliff is practicing and doing the next right thing has changed our world.

*All Pics Googled*

The Beginning

We all begin at the beginning. Sometimes we watch others walk this walk and feel as if they’ve always walked as they do now. They appear so confident and knowledgeable; their life appears successful and in full control. As if a tear were never shed.

But the truth is we all began at the beginning. We needed help but didn't know what kind. With no knowledge of what we were about to encounter, some jumped in with both feet and took off running as if they were in a competition. You can almost see them leap tall buildings in a single bound. Others dipped one toe in to test the water and quickly pulled their foot back only to dip the toe back in again an inth of a degree deeper. They knew they had to go into this pool but simply didn’t want to. Still others walked all the way around the outside of the pool to get to the other side, only to say that it wasn’t so hard. Of course not. They never actually waded through the deepest, scariest depths of the water. They try to handle it all on their own and make others feel as if they are wimpy or soft because they weep and grieve and struggle through the process and ask for spiritual and physical help. They will expound greatly on what they think they know, but can’t say what they personally felt or experienced or saw in their own inner circle. Others will continue to walk around and through, and all the while loudly proclaiming that they don't need any guidelines or help because it's not their problem. But they will complain just as loudly about the hand they've been dealt.

Someday, they will all have to go back to the beginning whether they plan to or not. If they haven't worked the program they simply won't get the results. Hopefully, when they do go back to the beginning, they will have a spiritual experience as a result of the steps they’ve taken and the light will go on. Maybe then, one hand will go up to God and the other hand will go out and firmly grasp another hand reaching out for help and finally they will really live One Day At A Time.


*All Pics Googled*

Happy New Year, 2009!

What a difference a year makes. Who'da thunk that I'd be celebrating this past Christmas and New Year with a clean and sober son, without even a hint of a shadow of needles? Who'da thunk that Cliff would be attending meetings and working steps day after day?

Last night as I headed up to bed, Cliff once more, wished me a Happy New Year. Following that was a "thank you, Mom, for everything and letting me come back home. I know I said it before but I'm so grateful to be here."

Today my heart is filled to the brim with gratefulness.

What a way to close out 2008 and begin 2009. I couldn't ask for anything more.